Surrender Over Striving: Lesley's Story (Real Women, Real Stories Series)

Title: Surrender Over Striving: Lesley's Story (Real Women, Real Stories Series) [Podcast Transcript]

Podcast Date: December 30, 2025

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Description

Start your new year with hope that goes beyond new diets, fitness programs, and the relentless pursuit of body perfection. In this heartfelt episode, host Heather Creekmore sits down with her former client, Lesley, to share her transformative journey from food and body image bondage to genuine spiritual and emotional freedom.

Lesley spent years as a health and wellness coach, tracking every calorie, restricting food, and chasing a number on the scale—all while struggling with her own body image issues. She candidly shares how these patterns began in grade school, persisted into adulthood, and continued even as she helped others pursue their health goals. Despite her expertise, she found herself trapped by obsession and shame surrounding food, weight, and self-worth.

Through Heather Creekmore's Body Image Freedom Framework, Lesley began to untangle the deep connection between identity and body image. Her story is honest about the challenges—grief, fear, letting go of control, and even stepping away from her coaching business—but it's also filled with hope and victory. Lesley discovered that true freedom came not from changing her body, but from changing her beliefs, surrendering her idol of body image, and learning to trust God’s gentle guidance through all the lows and highs.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• How body image struggles often start early and shape identity

• The dangers of moralizing food, restriction, and attachment to the scale

• The life-changing power of shifting focus from external rules to internal cues and grace

• The role of faith and community in healing, surrender, and practical recovery

• How Lesley found peace, joy, and presence in her body—without chasing weight loss goals

If you’re tired of repeating the same health resolutions and want lasting change, this episode is an inspiring invitation to start your body image freedom journey.

Resources Mentioned:

• Get your FREE Obsessed to Blessed mini-course here: https://www.improvebodyimage.com/obsessed-to-blessed

• 40 Day Body Image Workbook & Journey: improvhttps://www.improvebodyimage.com/40-day-challenge

• Body Image Freedom Framework Course

Connect & Share:
Loved this episode? Leave a review, share it with a friend, and keep the conversation going. Let's build a community that chooses grace and freedom over comparison and striving.

Transcript

Disclaimer: This transcript is AI-generated and has not been edited for accuracy or clarity.

Speaker A [00:00:02]:
Life Audio.

Speaker B [00:00:04]:
Hey there.

Speaker A [00:00:05]:
Heather Creekmore here. I hope you had a wonderful holiday. We are headed into 2026, and in this year we're going to start with a series of real women sharing their real stories. These are women who were in some degree of body image or food bondage, right? They were just frustrated living the life of always trying to change their body, improve their body, be a different size, get healthier. All the things we say and do, you know them, Maybe those are your goals for 2026. Maybe those are the same goals or resolutions you've set every year for decades. That was my story. So as we begin another new year, I want you to hear some stories of a different kind of hope.

Speaker A [00:00:54]:
And this is hope that women have found not through changing their bodies, but through changing what's going on on the inside, through renewing their spiritual health, through recognizing that maybe continuing to chase body change isn't going to bring what they're really looking for. And so today we're starting with my former client, Leslie. Oh, she's got a tremendous story. She was actually coaching health and wellness things. So she had a lot of experience, a lot of knowledge, a lot of know how, but still felt stuck when it came to her body image. And so she's going to share that today. Hey, I'm so glad you're listening. If you are ready to do something new, you know, they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Speaker A [00:01:44]:
If you're ready to do something new this year, let me invite you to join us on the 40 day journey. You grab my 40 day body image workbook and then you join us on six Zoom calls. And this is going to set you on a new path. You're going to be challenged. You're going to be like, huh, I never thought about that before. Or wow, could that really be true? We're going to look at the Bible. What's actually in the Bible about body image and food? Not just twisted scriptures, because there's enough twisted scriptures out there around these issues. No, no, no.

Speaker A [00:02:15]:
We are going to look at what does scripture actually say? I mean, here's the truth. You might have gotten, maybe you got money for Christmas and you could just choose to read the book on your own. You can just go grab a copy of it on Amazon, read it by yourself. But the accountability, encouragement and ability to ask me, the author of the book, questions as you read it's invaluable, my friend. And we only charge $59 for six weeks. So it's like 10 bucks a week to go through this program and just really jumpstart your body image freedom journey. So go to improvebodyimage.com you can learn more about the 40 day journey there. I hope to see you in that group.

Speaker A [00:02:59]:
Let's get to today's show. Hey, welcome to the Compare to podcast. Not going to say that because I'm going to record an intro ahead of time. So this, none of this matters. We'll just delete all this. I am so excited to have a former client come back today. It's the week before New Year's. This is your last show of 2025, and I thought the best way for us to end the year, as we're all thinking about next year and what we're going to do different next year year, I thought the best way for us to end the year would be for you to hear from a real woman, a real person with a real story who a couple years ago, her journey began.

Speaker A [00:03:54]:
I mean, you know, we have all been on journeys for a long time, right? So began way before that.

Speaker B [00:04:01]:
Right.

Speaker A [00:04:01]:
But my guest today is my former client, Leslie, and we're going to talk about the work that God has done to change and I'm going to say transform her life. And so, friend, if you are like, I need a transformation, that's what I want. 2026, that's my transformation year. I mean, you know, we all hear it everywhere. The kind of transformation that Leslie has had, oh, is the beautiful kind that can't be replicated by just starting a new plan or spending more time in the gym. And so I'm excited for you to hear her story. Leslie, welcome to the Compare to podcast. Oh, I have had just so much fun working with you over the last.

Speaker A [00:04:49]:
Well, it's been a while, but, but a couple years ago was when I first got connected to you. And when you signed up, you proudly had your profession stated as someone who was working in the health and wellness world and you were doing all things right. I remember our first call, Leslie, you remember you telling me how you're like, I track everything. And I almost think you wanted me to, like, be like, good for you. That's awesome. I probably, probably was just like, okay, good, great. But that's just kind of a symbol of, like, who you were before a few years back when we first had our first conversation. And I would love to just hear who did Leslie used to be.

Speaker A [00:05:40]:
Right? Like, what, what was your life like before you went on this crazy body image freedom journey that you probably would say you didn't even know you needed or wanted, right?

Speaker B [00:05:51]:
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I had no idea how much I desperately needed this journey. I'll give a little backstory. Leading, leading into, you know, why I connected with you. But, but years before that, I really can remember struggling with body image issues and thinking I was bigger boned than the other girls my age since I was in grade school. I was a gymnast in grade school and I just in my mind thought it was a bad thing to weigh more or have more muscle on your body or be bigger boned. Even though no one told me that I was convinced of my truth in this area.

Speaker B [00:06:30]:
And I can even remember in grade school there were times where I would be at a family function and I would eat so much. And I said to myself, tomorrow, Leslie, you cannot eat because you are enjoying yourself so much today that tomorrow you need to just fast. And that was like in grade school and no one was telling me to do that, right. But fortunately, because I hate being hungry, I did not follow through with those great intentions to, to fast the next day. However, I can assure you I, I restricted in some way mentally and physically. And so that pattern continued throughout my life. I was obsessed with the scale. I attached my worth and identity to that number.

Speaker B [00:07:16]:
And quite honestly, whatever the number was dictated my mood for the day. And I really can look back at different times in my life where I had these like, what I call body image flare ups where I was especially uncomfortable in my skin. And I tried to control that by restricting. I. I didn't ever consistently restrict until I was out of college and I was working as a physical therapist and personal trainer. And the people coming to me were interested in weight loss. And so my boss. Now, I didn't have a degree in nutrition or weight loss.

Speaker B [00:07:54]:
My degree was in physical therapy. But my boss educated me on the science, the quote unquote science behind fat loss. So I started talking to my clients about that and I thought, well, I better do what I'm suggesting to them. And at the same time, my boss made the comment that I will never forget. He said, you will be. You would be really lean at blank. And he, and he gave me a number. Well, that was about £20 less than I currently was.

Speaker B [00:08:23]:
So in my mind he's basically saying, you need to lose weight. So I decided to do that. And I, and I went on a journey to tracking every morsel of food that went in my mouth. I tried to maintain a certain calorie amount for the day. Very rarely was I able to do that. But I was essentially restricting. And over time my body started shrinking. And although I got positive comments from some people, oh, you look so good, which was ultimately not healthy for my mindset at the time, I now realize I also had some friends approach me and were concerned that it had become a problem eventually.

Speaker B [00:09:02]:
At that time in my life, I was, I don't know, 20, 21, I was living by myself in a condo on the fifth floor. And so the garbage chute was outside of my condo and I had to put my garbage down the chute. And I came to the point where I was willing to let go of those darn food journals and I put them down the garbage chute, never to be retrieved again. I experienced a period of freedom. And as I got engaged to my husband Tom, and as we were approaching our wedding, I really felt like the Lord was like, do not weigh yourself. Do not try to lose weight for your wedding, unlike most brides. And so I stuck to that. I did not weigh myself, I did not actively restrict, I did not try to lose weight for my wedding.

Speaker B [00:09:48]:
And I'm so thankful for that now because I think if I knew that number, it could either be a place of pride for me, like, oh, look, I'm still at my wedding weight, or shame, like, look, I'm X amount heavier than my wedding weight. So I'm actually so relieved I don't know that number. But anyway, I went on to just, over the next 15 years, have different times where I struggled more with my body image. I did get diagnosed with Hashimoto's in 2004. And then in 2005 my husband and I started to grow our family and we went on to have four kids. And obviously my body changed with pregnancy and after pregnancy and all the things. And so in 2019 is when I was introduced to a program by a friend of mine because again, I had become uncomfortable in my skin. I wanted to lose some weight.

Speaker B [00:10:48]:
I also wanted to gain energy. I was tired all the time. And so both of those things happened. I lost weight, I gained energy with this program and I thought, wow, my health is actually improving. Like I need to help other people with this. And at that time it was like the perfect timing because now my four kids were in school, I had stayed home while they were growing up and I just thought this would be a great thing to get into. So I in my personality, I went all in and it became a full time job. So I started coaching clients and, and I did that for five years.

Speaker B [00:11:24]:
And over the course of that time, my Weight started to slowly creep up, and now I'm, you know, approaching my mid to late 40s, and that's natural to happen, but in my world, that was horrible. And so I was. When I reached out to you, what had happened was a family member was struggling with their body image, and I wanted to help them. So I googled Christian Body Image Coach, and your name popped up. So I signed up for your newsletter, and honestly, like, things kind of fizzled down with this family member. Life got busy. I went on with my life. Never contacted you, never knew you wrote all these books, never knew you had a podcast, nothing.

Speaker B [00:12:11]:
Then at the end of August, two years ago in 2023, I was just really, really striving and chasing after a number on the scale. And I just thought I. And it. It wasn't like, crazy, but I was consumed with this. But it wasn't working, and I was not having peace about it. It was consuming all my thoughts and my time. And one day I got an email from you, basically sharing about your new class that would be coming up, that fall Body Image Freedom Framework course. And something in my spirit was drawn to it.

Speaker B [00:12:50]:
The. I honestly believe the Holy Spirit was drawing me to take your class because I knew the route I was on was not working and it was not leading to freedom. And so, in fact, I, I. I had been convinced for so long that once I reached that goal weight, I would have peace, I would have contentment, I would have freedom. But that's not what happened. Like, the target kept moving, and I started becoming discontent in other areas and. And thinking I needed to perfect other areas of my outside appearance of my life. And so when your email came in my inbox, I just.

Speaker B [00:13:30]:
My. As I said, my spirit was drawn to it. And I talked to my sweet husband about it, and he was just so, so supportive. I can still remember where we were on a walk when I talked to him about wanting to take this class, and he just stopped in his tracks. And he said, leslie, I've seen you struggle with this our whole married life since I've known you. Do you think I'm not going to support you? And something that could lead you to greater freedom? And it just g. He's. He's so sweet and supportive, and he.

Speaker B [00:13:58]:
He always has been. But I decided, okay, I'm going to sign up. Not knowing anything about you or the class or anything. Yeah. Yes.

Speaker A [00:14:09]:
That was the funny thing on my side. I'm like, do you even know what you signed up for? Do you know what this is? That was so funny.

Speaker B [00:14:19]:
Right. Right. And I didn't. But I knew what I was doing was not working for me. I knew I needed a completely different way. And so let's just say starting your class rocked my world in every way possible. I realized. I.

Speaker B [00:14:41]:
I clearly realized for the first time how much I had been living in sin as far as body image idolatry goes. I had been a Christian for. Since college. I became a Christian my freshman year in college when I was 18. And although I had surrendered so many areas of my life, this was one area that I needed to be in control of.

Speaker A [00:15:08]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:15:08]:
And I didn't even know how much I was enslaved until I took your class and until I started letting go and surrendering.

Speaker A [00:15:20]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:15:21]:
And so, yeah, it. It rocked my world. I think of the verse John 9. 25, that says one thing. I do know I was blind, but now I see. And I. I knew I had an issue with it, but I was blind to the extent of it.

Speaker A [00:15:40]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:15:41]:
And as I've been on this journey now for two years, I. I can see clearly how immersed I was in wanting to change my body and how it was so connected to my identity.

Speaker A [00:15:55]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:15:56]:
Yeah. So it's. It's been a really messy journey, but a really necessary one for me to go through, to be where I am today.

Speaker A [00:16:08]:
Yeah. Oh, thank you for sharing all that. Yeah.

Speaker B [00:16:11]:
And.

Speaker A [00:16:13]:
I mean, it. It is messy, but I just. I'm wondering if you could speak to just the gentleness of God in the mess. Right. Because. So, you know, for those who don't actually know how the course worked.

Speaker B [00:16:33]:
Right.

Speaker A [00:16:34]:
So what happens? Leslie signed up. I think you signed up for. Did we do 12 weeks that time? We've tried a bunch of different ways.

Speaker B [00:16:41]:
10 or 12 weeks.

Speaker A [00:16:42]:
I think we did. I think we did 12 weeks. And so you watch the videos of the online class, the Body Image Freedom Framework online class, and that's available. You can, like, sign up and do that on your own, but the way Leslie did it is, I think, the preferred way. So you would watch a video, and there's some homework to do, journaling exercises, some sermons to listen to, some podcasts to listen to, and then we come back together. And you had, I don't know, maybe four or five people in your group. We had a small group discussion once a week. But then in between those small group discussions, we used Voxer, the voice messaging app.

Speaker A [00:17:20]:
And so if you had a question or you're like, heather, I'm just, like, really stuck with this, and I don't know what to do with this, then we would just go back and forth. You know, we went back and forth a lot.

Speaker B [00:17:31]:
Yeah, we did.

Speaker A [00:17:32]:
So that's kind of what it looked like for you with me for those couple of months that we were together. But I just, you know, I think it's scary for people to think about. Right? Like, oh, goodness, Leslie, you're saying, like, you were convicted of sin and you changed your ways. Like, I feel like that sounds like a really frightening thing to go through. Can you speak to, like, God's gentleness in that process? And maybe my gentleness, too, I don't know. But. But, like, was it overwhelming? Was it a fearful experience? Experience?

Speaker B [00:18:08]:
Yes. Yes, because I was entering a path that I didn't. It was foreign to me. You know, I was entering this path that would lead to freedom, but I didn't know for sure if it would lead to freedom. And. And I was fearful of gaining weight, to be honest. And I. I was like, there.

Speaker B [00:18:25]:
I was convinced freedom could not exist if I didn't stay in the same size body, like that was. I was totally convinced of that. And so to let go of controlling my food intake and all that was a huge thing for me. But no, you were so patient with me, and I. Now that I'm on the other side of it, I can only imagine all the thoughts you were having that you kept to yourself as I was, like, sharing some of my belief system or my mindset and things like that. God was so gracious and gentle with me, and he still is through this messy journey of recovery. You know, he doesn't force us to do anything. He just invites us.

Speaker A [00:19:09]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:19:10]:
And. And then he's with us as we go through the mess and the scary. And this journey that I began, it. It had. It had a lot of challenge, it had a lot of tears, it had joy, it had empowerment, and it had all the levels of grief that. That we. That I now know about. So those are denial.

Speaker B [00:19:40]:
You know, when I came into this, I was in denial as to how severe my issue was. And then comes anger and there's bargaining, sadness, and then acceptance. And it doesn't always go in that order, of course, but coming to a place of acceptance is where the freedom comes. I feel. And I'm. I can say I'm finally there. Not that I won't revert back to these other stages at times, but in general, I'm living in a space of acceptance, the way God made my body. And really, I've.

Speaker B [00:20:20]:
I had my identity. My identity was misplaced before. It was too attached to this. This. This number, this look. And, you know, I had to learn that it. It wasn't realistic for me to become free and still be in the body I was in before because I was restricting for so many years. If I were to become free and not obsess about food and the scale and all that, I had to give myself more grace and more freedom to have more than my body was.

Speaker B [00:20:55]:
Had been used to for so long. And so that was really hard. Initially. I can remember, kind of. It felt traumatic to me, but having a dressing room experience that I'm pretty sure I talked to you about. Afterwards, I tried on some clothes at Old Navy with my daughter. Well, she was adult Navy with me, but I was in tears. Like, I.

Speaker B [00:21:20]:
It was. It was so hard. I felt like, almost like I was hyperventilating, like, claustrophobic. Like, get me out of here. I'm not safe. It was awful. My daughter and I were supposed to spend the day together and go out to lunch and go on a walk, and I couldn't do it. I had to tell her, and I've been honest with her about my journey.

Speaker B [00:21:39]:
I've been honest with my kids, but I had to tell her, no. I'm so sorry. I have to go home. I have to journal and process all of this. And she was very gracious, and we were able to reschedule our time together, but that was, like, so hard for me. And then just three short weeks later, I had, like, a very victorious experience where I was at the pool with my kids, and we had so much fun together, and they were dunking me and splashing. We were going on water slides together. I was like a little kid.

Speaker B [00:22:13]:
And like, two hours into it, it dawned on me, oh, my goodness. I haven't thought once about my body. And I just. It was. It was amazing. So lots of, like, highs and lows in this. In this journey. But I think for me, you know, inviting God into this area of my life that I had not.

Speaker B [00:22:39]:
Not really knowingly kept closed from him. My whole walk with him, inviting him into that has been huge because we, like, I've trusted him with an area I was holding so tightly onto. And I can see now being on the other side, like, he walked through that with me. He's trustworthy. It's okay. I'm still alive. I'm. I'm more joyful than ever.

Speaker B [00:23:06]:
I'm more present with my family than ever. And it's like the prize of getting free from food and body image issues that that's not just like, the, the only prize I'm seeking. Like, the prize has been being fully available to be used by God with the gifts he's given me and the story he's currently writing. And that. That's what I'm living in right now. Like, okay, Lord, how. How do you want to use my story to bless others? You know, so, yeah, like, when we. So we met privately several times.

Speaker B [00:23:45]:
We had several sessions, and at one point, you had said very graciously, you know, Leslie, you might benefit from. From meeting with a dietitian. And so you referred me to your friend, and she's a Christian dietitian that specializes in eating disorders and disordered eating and all those things and.

Speaker A [00:24:05]:
Wait, let me pause a second, though. Let me pause. Did you think you had an eating disorder coming into this.

Speaker B [00:24:11]:
How.

Speaker A [00:24:12]:
And I heard you use the word recovery, and I was thinking we need to leap back to that because, like, did you know that you had anything to recover from?

Speaker B [00:24:20]:
No. No.

Speaker A [00:26:20]:
And I heard you use the word recovery, and I was thinking we need to leap back to that because, like, did you know that you had anything to recover from?

Speaker B [00:26:27]:
No, no, no, not at all.

Speaker A [00:26:30]:
And so I. So I. I don't want to interrupt. I referred you to Amy, and I. I remember. Well, I'll say the funny part, because I was like, maybe you could do a session or two. And I'm thinking, she prob. A session or two.

Speaker A [00:26:41]:
But you were willing to be like, okay, maybe I do a session.

Speaker B [00:26:44]:
Yes. Right, right. Well, then when I started seeing her, it was m. Most of my sessions were in 2024 with her, but it. It ended up being 25 sessions, not just two. And, you know, after a couple sessions, she was like, yeah, you're going to need to be in my off.

Speaker A [00:27:01]:
You.

Speaker B [00:27:01]:
You need to be here. And. And it's going to be more than a few sessions. You know, she just kind of graciously said that. But when she talked about recovery, she defined it as recovering your life in Christ. She's so good. I know. And I just thought that was really, really helpful to think of it that way.

Speaker A [00:27:24]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:27:25]:
And another thing I was kind of in denial in was the fact that anytime I've tried, like, any kind of program, whether it was the program coaching or counting calories or there was a season where I did Weight Watchers, like, whatever the program was that I was trying to do, I could never stick to it, like, it, like it was recommended. So I, I, in my mind, I thought, oh, well, I'm. I don't have an issue because I can never do the program that the way they recommend it, you know, But I was still restricting. It just wasn't to the extent of what was being recommended. And so, because again, I hate being hungry. And so Amy said to me, well, A, that probably protected you from having a full blown eating disorder.

Speaker A [00:28:11]:
Full blown anorexia. Yeah.

Speaker B [00:28:13]:
And B, same thing. Just because you can't, you haven't been able to follow the program to a T like you wanted to. Whatever program it was, it does not make you any less of a restrictor. And that was like, whoa, what, what.

Speaker A [00:28:28]:
Did you just say?

Speaker B [00:28:30]:
You know, so she was really helpful at helping me to come to grips with my reality in a very, you know, Amy in a very gentle way. So that was, that was good, but it was hard. And eventually, as I mentioned, I was, I was coaching for this program and there were just so many things I enjoyed about it. But I eventually came to the conclusion that I could no longer move forward in my healing journey, my recovery, and be fully recovered and also be coaching others in their journeys, which often involved weight loss. I was on a completely different path now. And so eventually I had to make a very difficult decision to step away from that. Yeah, but, yeah, that was, that was very hard. As I've said, there were many things I did enjoy about it, but yeah, I needed to do that for my own healing journey.

Speaker A [00:29:36]:
Yeah. And you gave up income to do that as well.

Speaker B [00:29:38]:
Yeah. Right.

Speaker A [00:29:39]:
I mean, that's how serious of a decision it was for you.

Speaker B [00:29:42]:
Right.

Speaker A [00:29:43]:
I think that's significant. You know, that that was. You had like, you had to make a big sacrifice.

Speaker B [00:29:50]:
Yeah, a lot of prayer and thought went into it and. And now that I'm kind of on the other side of it, I do see the Lord definitely needed me to do that in order to be where I am today. And it's interesting because I, I resigned from my position in October of 2024. And then about a month, and I was feeling freedom on my journey for sure. And then about a month later, my world kind of turned upside down with some various circumstances going on in my family. And so for the next several months, it was really, really difficult and chaotic in my world. And I know I had heard that like, oh, yeah, when you're stressed, that's. When you're eating disorder, those behaviors can kind of flare up.

Speaker B [00:30:41]:
But I never really, like, knew if that was the case for me until I was living in this chaos and my weight hadn't changed much, not, not because I was Weighing myself. But I had to give blood. And I. So I found out. So my weight hadn't changed much during this crazy time, but all of a sudden, my mind was like, I need to go back to my old ways. I need to restrict. I need to do the things I used to do. However, it was a little bit different.

Speaker B [00:31:15]:
I. I was. I was now bargaining instead of. Like, I knew that I couldn't go back and restrict like I had been, but I still wanted to restrict to some extent, but in a more gentle way, maybe. And so, yeah, my son. Just like your son, my son was graduating in June of this. This year. And so in February, I started thinking, like, oh, if I restrict, I.

Speaker B [00:31:41]:
I literally was, like, calculating even, like, if I do this, then by June, maybe I'll be down £10, £15. Like, that's doable. That's not super. You know, whatever. And by the grace of God, I never followed through with it, but I had lots of thoughts to do that. And then came. Then graduation comes, and I wanted to look good in the pictures. You know, that that was partly my mindset, and I'm sure.

Speaker B [00:32:07]:
I know it was much deeper than that, but I never followed through with it. Graduation came, and I was actually talking to Amy, my dietitian, about it, like, a week after graduation, and she said, well, what do you think? What do you think when you look at those graduation pictures? And I said, well, I look at that girl, not with the thought of, oh, she needs to lose weight, but with a lot of grace and compassion and kindness, because I knew the year that she had had. And she didn't numb. She didn't restrict. She used her tools. She felt all the feels, which included a lot of tears. And she stayed in community with people who understood and she could be honest with. Yeah.

Speaker B [00:32:57]:
And to me, that was so much progress from two years ago. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:33:07]:
Yeah. When we. When things are out of control, we want to control whatever we can. And, I mean, I've done the same thing, Leslie. It's like, oh, I won't control as much as I used to control. I'll just control, like, a little bit. Like, you know, it is. It totally is.

Speaker B [00:33:23]:
Bargaining.

Speaker A [00:33:25]:
Yeah, I get it. I get it. Yeah.

Speaker B [00:33:28]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:33:29]:
So things got a little bit, I guess, more back to a steady state in your home life. What's the last, you know, several months.

Speaker B [00:33:43]:
Been like, oh, I felt so much freedom. I felt so much freedom. And even, like, preparing for today in our conversation. I've been looking back at old journals, and it's just. It's so encouraging in so many ways to see where I've come, you know, over the last two years. And it's also sad in some ways to know where I was. But it's okay. It's.

Speaker B [00:34:07]:
God knew I have to walk through this in order to be where I am today. I will say my belief system has changed so much, and it's amazing how once that happened, like, my behaviors changed.

Speaker A [00:34:22]:
And so can you speak to any of those beliefs?

Speaker B [00:34:26]:
Yeah, like, I don't look at food. I don't attach morality to food any longer. I clearly, we all know some foods are more nutritious than others, but there's no, like, shame attached to ice cream or cookies. Like, if I decide to have that, it's fine, you know? And it's been so interesting because prior to starting this journey, I used to think I was convinced I was a sugar addict.

Speaker A [00:34:58]:
Oh, I know. I remember this conversation.

Speaker B [00:35:00]:
Yeah, I was convinced of it because there were certain things I felt out of control with. But when I look back at all the times I felt out of control, it was either because I did, like, a long stretch of no sugar, like a sugar fast. And then once that time period ended, like, I know I gave it up for Lent. Even in college, I went nuts on jelly beans. I went nuts on the cakes and the whatever, because now that period was over. Or if. If I'm restricting throughout the day, that comes a point in time in my day that my body can no longer go without food. And then.

Speaker B [00:35:36]:
And then I felt out of control, like, oh, my goodness, I'm binging. I have a problem with binging. No, that wasn't. That wasn't my story. It was that I was restricting and my body needed to restore itself. And so now that I'm no longer restricting, I have to be honest, I never feel out of control with food. Like, sugar's not bad. I can have it if I want.

Speaker B [00:35:57]:
I don't have it every day. Right. You know, it's not a big deal. And if I have a cookie, it's usually one or two cookies. It doesn't lead to a bunch because I could have it later if I, like, it's not a big deal anymore.

Speaker A [00:36:10]:
Right. Isn't it so surprising, though?

Speaker B [00:36:13]:
Yes.

Speaker A [00:36:13]:
Like, are you kind of in shock that it's that way?

Speaker B [00:36:15]:
Yes. Yes.

Speaker A [00:36:17]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:36:17]:
I mean.

Speaker A [00:36:18]:
I mean, I'm still in shock because I'd be like, huh, I forgot that we even had that, you know, those cookies or that candy or, I mean, Halloween candy. You know, we just had that out a Couple months ago, it's like, oh, that's fine. Like, I like that one. Maybe I'll have one of those. But before it would have been like, I buy the kind I didn't like and then I would still eat them all even though.

Speaker B [00:36:43]:
Right.

Speaker A [00:36:44]:
So it is, it is shocking and you know, you said it as the belief system of not assigning moral value to food, but I. It is shocking how just having a different belief system and then, you know, and then of course you had to work. Work with Amy around like some behaviors after that belief system of just really to free yourself from restricting. But it is shocking how it, it works, doesn't is.

Speaker B [00:37:09]:
And the whole idea that like, food is not just fuel, that it's meant to be enjoyed, like, that's kind of, that was kind of my mindset before. Like, food is just meant to fuel you to feel good. Well, yes, of course I want to eat foods that make me feel good. But that's. Why did God give us taste buds if food was just meant to be fuel? And why is he preparing a feast for us in heaven someday that we will enjoy even though our bodies won't need food in heaven? And so now it's like, I, when I have the treat or whatever, like, I'm going to enjoy it and I'm not just going to eat things that don't sound good to me because it's just. Why would I do like. No, I want to. I want to really enjoy my food.

Speaker B [00:37:49]:
And so just inviting the Lord into that with me has been different. Like, so different, you know, but good in a good way. Another thing is, is my body was changing a little bit as I was starting to listen to its needs versus allow external rules to dictate my choices. Like, that was a huge shift. Now I'm like listening. Oh, are you hungry? What. What are you hungry for? Like, um, when as my body was changing during that process, my clothes were getting a little snug and, and for a while there, I was so resistant to buying clothes that fit my body because somehow I thought that new number on the clothing size tag was attached to my identity. Like as.

Speaker B [00:38:42]:
As I was healing, you know, failure.

Speaker A [00:38:44]:
It feels like failure, right? We were taught it was failure, right?

Speaker B [00:38:47]:
And I could not buy new clothes, so instead I'd be uncomfortable in my stuff, snug clothes. But that discomfort would remind me that my body was changing, so that wasn't helpful. But eventually I did buy some new clothes that fit my body now. And honestly, that was like the kindest thing I could do for myself that I resisted for so long because I felt shame attached to that, you know? Right.

Speaker A [00:39:12]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:39:14]:
Yeah. So that, that was, that was a huge thing that changed for me. Yeah. It's amazing how my belief system has changed and how that has truly impacted how. How I live my life now.

Speaker A [00:39:32]:
Did you ever think you could have a conversation about feeling peaceful or joyful or even rest filled?

Speaker B [00:39:41]:
Right.

Speaker A [00:39:41]:
Because I would say that's your new posture with food without having lost X number of pounds. Like, did you ever think that was even possible?

Speaker B [00:39:51]:
No, because it was so closely connected to my weight. Body image freedom was so closely connected to my weight. Like, they went hand in hand. So I. This is a miracle that we're even having this conversation. A miracle of the Lord that he did. Like, that's the transformation. Like you were talking transformation in the beginning.

Speaker B [00:40:10]:
That's the transformation, transition that's taken place in my heart. And honestly, for the first time in my life, I don't have the goal to shrink my body in some form, which is. Yeah, that's huge. I'm no longer restricting mentally or physically because there is a mental component to that too. I couldn't restrict that way. I wanted to ever. But mentally, then it was like, oh, I'm a failure. Like, why can't I do that? Those people can do that, but I can't do it.

Speaker B [00:40:44]:
What's wrong with me? And so it's amazing to me that I do not. I don't feel out of control with food. And there is just such a close connection between I've learned restriction and binging. When you let go of that restriction component, the binging improves so much, you know?

Speaker A [00:41:07]:
Right.

Speaker B [00:41:09]:
So, yeah, I would say in general, I'm just giving myself a lot more grace and compassion. I'm kind to myself. I'm listening to my body. I'm resting when I need to rest. I'm really listening to the cues that are God, our creator, who is so wise, and how he's created us, has given us. And listening to those cues and letting those dictate my decisions, whether it's sleep, water, exercise, food versus the external rules. So, you know, I think. I think some people think, oh, you're abandoning all your healthy habits that you developed over the years because now you're on this other journey.

Speaker B [00:41:50]:
No, no, no, no, no. That's not it. Like, I want to still feel good. I want to show up. Well, it's just, I'm not obsessing about it. I'm not, you know, tracking everything. I'm just Living, I'm more present. And that's been, that's.

Speaker A [00:42:10]:
Yeah, yeah, I think that's the quote of the day. I'm just living. And that is. But that is not what we do when we're chasing a certain body size or a certain. Look, we're not just living and we're certainly not just living for the Lord. I mean, but, but I'm so glad you said what you just said because I was trying to think of a way to ask you a question to ask that. You know, I mean, I think some, somebody hearing this might be like, well, she just is not, not doing anything healthy anymore. And that's not healthy.

Speaker A [00:42:42]:
And you know, don't you know, the Bible wants us to be healthy? And like, you know, I hear the feedback of health, health, health, health, health. And I think what you've experienced and what I've experienced is like, whoa. All these voices in the world trying to tell us how to be healthy, like they're kind of unhealthy. Like maybe some of what they said might be good, but all of it together, it's just putting this giant unhealthy burden on us to do things with our food and our bodies that we were never intended to do. And we're not getting healthier by trying to follow everyone's rules and everyone's ways and everyone's programs. We're just being more and more distracted from what you said, the living, like the just living. Right. So Leslie, as we close today, someone listening is like, oh, that sounds scary.

Speaker A [00:43:45]:
I think I need that. I don't know though, like that would just be really weird. But I kind of want that freedom. Like, how would you encourage them? What would you say to them? What would you say? The person that's thinking about a journey.

Speaker B [00:43:59]:
Like this, I would say it's completely understandable to be scared of the future. But our God is bigger than that. And I don't think this freedom that he has for us to live in this side of heaven can exist without opening our hands and surrendering our will, our plans, our desires, and even others opinions of us. Even our journey of recovery. Like I wanted to be recovered like that. And yeah, that wasn't the case. I had a lot of stuff I had to work through and so I would just encourage someone out there that the journey is worth it. And it, and it's, it starts with, with just loosening your grip just a little bit and seeing what the Lord wants to do with that.

Speaker A [00:44:54]:
Yeah, I love that. I love that so much. Is there anything we missed anything. You're like, I wanted to make sure that I said this part of my story.

Speaker B [00:45:04]:
Yeah. You know, you in your class, you had us listen to a lot of Tim Keller sermons, which I loved. And one of the things that gripped me when I was like, do I really have an idolatry problem? Was his description of idolatry. And then I was like, yep, he hit the nail on the head. Yep, this is an idol for me. And his description was, idols consume you as you pursue them, disappoint you when you get them, and devastate you when you lose them. And that was really eye opening to me. I definitely had an idolatry problem.

Speaker A [00:45:49]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:45:51]:
And you know what? We all do. Like, our hearts are little idol factories. So there's no shame in that. That's just the way our hearts are. But you can't heal if you aren't aware that it exists. So.

Speaker A [00:46:03]:
Right.

Speaker B [00:46:04]:
It's good to kind of take an inventory. Like, okay, what are the things in my life that are consuming me, that are disappointing me when I get them and that are devastating me if I lose them? What are those things? We all have them. So it's. It is. It is worth, you know, taking that inventory and then going to the Lord with your idols, because he did. He doesn't want you to worship anything but him and it. And he's just. He's so faithful to walk through this with us, you know, he's been so faithful.

Speaker A [00:46:38]:
Amen.

Speaker B [00:46:38]:
So I'm. I'm grateful.

Speaker A [00:46:40]:
Amen.

Speaker B [00:46:40]:
Grateful to be here. Grateful for you, Heather, to be walking through this journey with me and starting the journey. Two years ago, I had no idea what was in store. And it's a good thing I didn't at that time, but I'm grateful.

Speaker A [00:46:53]:
Maybe it is.

Speaker B [00:46:54]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:46:55]:
Oh. Oh, Leslie, thank you so much, man. You're preaching good there at the end, like. And I would just say, as you listen to Leslie's story, my friend, my listener, like, man, I think the wisdom she just offered there is the best thing you could do for yourself as you head into a new year. Just try to loosen your grip a little and say, God, like, what is consuming me? What is disappointing me? What would I be devastated to lose? And if there's anything that comes to mind, and it's not Jesus, Right. Then you do have an idle problem, friend. You've got work to do. But the good news is, on the other side of that, work is so much freedom.

Speaker A [00:47:43]:
And as someone who worked with Leslie in the very beginning, day one, like, I'm just looking at you and your countenance is different. You know, you are more peaceful now. You. You look more just at rest.

Speaker B [00:48:00]:
Right.

Speaker A [00:48:00]:
And so I can just even see it on you from those first, you know, couple zoom calls many years ago. Right. And. And so the freedom is out there. God's not going to be stingy with it. He's going to be faithful. So, Leslie, again, thank you so much for sharing your story today.

Speaker B [00:48:17]:
You're welcome. Thank you so much for having me, Heather. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:48:21]:
And thank you for listening today. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye. Bye. The Compare do show is proud to be part of the Life Audio Podcast network. For more great Christian podcasts, go to lifeaudio.com do you know the best thing you could do for us this new year is leave a review. There are thousands of you listening every week and only a hundred or so reviews. If this show has blessed you, would you pause right now and leave a review on whatever platform you're listening on? If reviews aren't your thing, consider sharing this episode with a friend and then talking about it with her.

Speaker A [00:48:59]:
That'll encourage both of you in your body image freedom journey. Thanks again. We're glad to be on this journey with you.