Overcoming Hospitality Fears: Practical Steps to Invite Others In [Podcast Transcript]

Title: Overcoming Hospitality Fears: Practical Steps to Invite Others In 

Podcast Date: August 12, 2025

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Today's conversation is all about breaking down the barriers to hospitality and inviting others into our imperfect homes and lives. Host Heather Creekmore welcomes hospitality expert and author Abby Kuykendall to talk honestly about why so many of us fear having people over, how our obsession with perfection holds us back, and why biblical hospitality is an act of obedience, not perfection.

Abby shares personal stories, practical tips, and a refreshing perspective: God doesn’t ask for Pinterest-perfect homes or Martha Stewart-level parties—He asks for our willingness and intention. The conversation touches on the lies that keep us isolated, how hospitality and body image are linked by the pressure to be “enough,” and the surprising joy that comes from letting others see our real lives, mess and all.

You’ll walk away encouraged to stretch your “hospitality muscle,” start small, and remember that true community isn’t about impressing others—it’s about loving them well. Abby also shares insights and resources from her new book, Let the Biscuits Burn, packed with ways to undo perfectionism in hospitality and embrace the blessing of real connection.

Key Topics

• The barriers and fears around inviting others into our homes

• Cultural messages about self-care vs. the biblical call to hospitality

• The difference between entertaining and true hospitality

• Practical first steps to open your home when you feel intimidated

• Lies from the enemy that keep us from building community

• Why showing our real, imperfect lives builds deeper relationships

• Links between body image issues, isolation, and hospitality

• Abby Kuykendall’s new book and resources for becoming more hospitable

• Using tools (like ChatGPT!) to help break down conversational barriers

• Setting healthy boundaries in hospitality

Noteworthy Quotes

• “God doesn’t ask for perfection. He asks for that willingness and heart to be obedient.”

• “When you open yourselves up...this is my authentic, vulnerable self—that opens the door for others to feel comfortable being raw and intimate themselves.”

• “We think we want perfection, but that actually would isolate us from people even more.”

Resources

• Let the Biscuits Burn: Cultivating Real Life Hospitality in a World Craving Connection by Abby Kuykendall
  [Get it wherever books are sold! Includes hosting tips, conversation starters, and more.]

• Connect with Abby Kuykendall:

  • Instagram: @abbykuykendall

  • Website: abbykuykendall.com

  • [Podcast: Let the Biscuits Burn (available wherever you listen)]

• Learn about the In His Image Conference 2025 here: https://www.wonderfullymadenutritioncounseling.com/events/in-his-image-body-image-conference-for-teen-girls-and-women-2025

Connect with Heather

• www.improvebodyimage.com

• Instagram: @comparedtowho

Disclaimer: This transcript is AI-generated and has not been edited for accuracy or clarity.

Transcript

Heather Creekmore [00:00:02]:
Abby Kuykendall. Welcome to the Compare to you podcast.

Abby Kuykendall [00:00:05]:
Hello. I'm so excited to be here.

Heather Creekmore [00:00:08]:
I'm excited you're here because you're going.

Abby Kuykendall [00:00:10]:
To help us and lots of new friends. All the listeners that have not heard of me or heard about me before. Hello. Nice to meet you.

Heather Creekmore [00:00:19]:
Well, they are going to be really excited to meet you because you're going to help us with this challenge that I hear over and over again.

Abby Kuykendall [00:00:26]:
Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:00:26]:
And that is I don't have people over.

Abby Kuykendall [00:00:28]:
Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:00:29]:
Like, I'm afraid to have people over. I'm embarrassed to have people over. Like, I'm afraid they're going to judge me by like, how my house looks or the opposite of that, which is probably the way I was. I did have people over. I was a pastor's wife. I didn't really have a choice as a pastor's wife, but I was the clean your house like a crazy person before people came over. I mean, having people over caused so much stress and preparation that probably people in my family were like, please never have people over. This is too painful.

Heather Creekmore [00:01:11]:
You know? And I mean, I grew up that way too. Like, my mom would mark things off limits, like, so that's so funny. The cleaned bathroom would be off limits or she would turn the couch cushions and then that couch would be like off limit.

Abby Kuykendall [00:01:24]:
Sit on that couch. I just flipped it.

Heather Creekmore [00:01:26]:
Yeah, the cushions might get messed up. And so it's like we. I think there's maybe two different angles. There's probably more that we can come at this hospitality challenge from where it's like, either way, we land in a place where I don't really want to have people over. It's easier just not to have people over. Like, is it really that important to have people over?

Abby Kuykendall [00:01:46]:
Well, in our world is telling us like mental health and self care and self love and all of these things that just like turn us in. And it's like, you don't need you. You don't need the world. You don't need anyone out there. You just need the respite that is your home. And you just. Do you. And I kind of think that that might be counter.

Abby Kuykendall [00:02:06]:
Counter gospel.

Heather Creekmore [00:02:08]:
Absolutely. Yeah. It's like your sanctuary. And don't let anyone else into it. Just keep it. And that's.

Abby Kuykendall [00:02:14]:
Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:02:14]:
That is so counter gospel.

Abby Kuykendall [00:02:15]:
Can you imagine? Can you imagine Zacchaeus, a middle aged man, not married, hiding in a tree to. To see Jesus, and Jesus, like, looks up and is like you in the tree, your house today. Like, he probably had clothes everywhere. I mean, think about like ultimate, you know, early age, like bachelor pad.

Heather Creekmore [00:02:37]:
Right.

Abby Kuykendall [00:02:37]:
And Jesus is like, dinner party at yours, five o'. Clock.

Heather Creekmore [00:02:41]:
Yeah, I love it.

Abby Kuykendall [00:02:43]:
Oh, my mom, do you have groceries? Right?

Heather Creekmore [00:02:47]:
That's hilarious.

Abby Kuykendall [00:02:49]:
Right?

Heather Creekmore [00:02:49]:
Yeah. So you're saying we're supposed to be hospitable?

Abby Kuykendall [00:02:53]:
Yeah, yeah, I am kind of. And I'm not. The gospel is. Scripture tells us. I mean, it's a directive. And I think that when you take, when you look at hospitality not as a spiritual gift, but as a discipline, as something we need to practice and we need to cultivate, I mean, practice hospitality is literally a scripture. And when you look at scripture that way and it's kind of commanding us to be hospitable. As Christians, our job is to be obedient.

Abby Kuykendall [00:03:25]:
And so God doesn't ask for perfection. He just asks for that willingness and that heart to be obedient in his. His calling us to love others, welcome them in. Because we have the unique opportunity as Christians that when we welcome people in, we get to kind of put God's glory and God on display. And this is how the king of the universe wants to welcome you into his family. This is what that welcome feels like. And when we say no to that or when we believe these lies or believe, you know, these pressures that we put on ourselves, then we are really discounting God and what he can do. And we're not able to experience God really fully without experience.

Abby Kuykendall [00:04:18]:
I mean, like diving in, experiencing hospitality in its fullest.

Heather Creekmore [00:04:22]:
Yeah, I love that. I love that. But what about all my fears, Abby? Like, I'm afraid I'm not good enough or like those people that I was going to have over, like they have a really nice house and my house isn't that nice. Like, what are they going to think of me? Like, what do we do with the swirling fears and insecurities?

Abby Kuykendall [00:04:42]:
Yeah, there are a lot of them out there. I think the first thing you have to do is identify them as lies from the enemy.

Heather Creekmore [00:04:48]:
Okay. Okay. Hey, spell out a couple for me.

Abby Kuykendall [00:04:51]:
Yeah. So recently I'm a big Chad GPT fan. I love Chat and I have conversations. She's a girl to me, so I have conversations with her a lot because I have a lot of words that I need to get out as a stay at home mom. So when my husband gets home at 5, he's like tapped out in vocabulary and I'm like, so chat has really been great to like bounce ideas off of in the middle of the day. But I asked Chat the other day, if you Were going to be Satan and you were gonna keep me from hospitality. What are some lies that you would tell me? And she came back and she said, well, first of all, I would tell you you're not good enough. I would tell you that nobody's gonna like your house.

Abby Kuykendall [00:05:35]:
I'm gonna tell you that your food's gonna be gross and people are gonna remember that. And then they're gonna judge you, and they're probably gonna talk about you in your community, like, behind your back. And that's not go. And don't forget about the baseboards and how you haven't cleaned them since last Christmas. And your house is kind of gross and you're potty training a boy right now. And so there's probably, like, gross stuff all in the bathroom. So, you know, you don't have time to clean. So just don't invite people over.

Abby Kuykendall [00:06:04]:
Have you heard those?

Heather Creekmore [00:06:06]:
Absolutely.

Abby Kuykendall [00:06:07]:
Like, all of those. Have I heard them today? Last week? You know, like, I feel like it's not something that you can just tell yourself, like, oh, that's a lie, and then move on and you're done with that hurdle or that obstacle or that barrier. It's something that you have to keep grounding yourself in. No, this is good. This is something that will benefit me and bless me tenfold when I'm obedient on the other side. It is going to be hard in the moment, but that is a lie from the enemy. And I'm going to choose to say, God, get behind me, Satan, and I'm going to move forward. So the easiest thing to do is start with, like, just one person.

Abby Kuykendall [00:06:51]:
It's not a dinner party. It is not a big get together. It is like one or two people and you're asking them for coffee or you're asking them to come over for a play date with your kids. Do something that is so low touch and very low energy, because that is going to be your easiest gateway to begin exercising that muscle. I'm not going to put shoes on today and go run five miles in preparation for a half marathon. I think I'm going to run in six months. No, I am going to put on my shoes and I might stretch outside and I might walk around the block and I'm, like, tapped out. Like, that is enough.

Abby Kuykendall [00:07:28]:
So think about hospitality being the same type of muscle in that man. It is going to be real hard, especially in those first few times, because you have not exercised that muscle. But if you continue and if you keep going, that muscle gets easier. And I mean, what is It August, September, it's fall. We're entering into the easiest season for hospitality because everybody likes a party around friendsgiving and Christmas. I mean, give me a party every day of the week. Yes.

Heather Creekmore [00:08:03]:
Here in Texas football.

Abby Kuykendall [00:08:05]:
Absolutely. And so then you have opened up the invitation for people to come in. You have exercised those muscles a little bit. Now you hit January and you have the super bowl and Galentine's and St. Patrick's Day and Easter, and you have all of these opportunities to reengage and re. Bring people in. And so starting now is like the perfect time of the year because it's like one or two people exercise those muscles, and then when January hits, it's like you're off to the races and you're ready to go.

Heather Creekmore [00:08:39]:
Yeah, I love that. Well, because I think you have to experience it, if you will, like, have a person or two people over and be like, okay, I was safe. Nothing crazy happened. They didn't, like, call the media and tell the media about that, like, 2 inches of baseboard that I forgot to wipe down really well. Like, like it was okay. And I think the other thing too, you know, I mean, this is, you know, I hate to go back and blame Covid, like we do for everything. Right. But it's like, I do think Covid isolated us for so long that we, like you said, our muscles got weak in this area.

Heather Creekmore [00:09:14]:
And it does take, like you said, some effort, some exercising of them.

Abby Kuykendall [00:09:21]:
And let's not even, I mean, forget the face to face conversation and connection that we didn't have during that time and. Or some of us didn't have during that time. And so now you're, you're saying, oh, I have to sit down with somebody for an hour and a half and have a conversation.

Heather Creekmore [00:09:38]:
What am I going to talk about?

Abby Kuykendall [00:09:40]:
I don't have that much emotional capacity. Like, what? This is very scary for me. That is all. Okay. And it is okay to say, God, I don't know what I'm going to say to this person for an hour and a half, but I'm going to be obedient and I'm going to trust that you've got this. And guess what? Every single day of the week, he's got this. Every single conversation, he's got this. And that's what I'm learning from God in this season that I'm in, is that the Lord is so patient in my unbelief or my lack of faithfulness of like, okay, I'm gonna be obedient, but I do not trust that this is gonna work out okay.

Abby Kuykendall [00:10:19]:
And then it works out okay. And God's like, I told you I love that you were obedient, but I told you, you know, like, I've always got you.

Heather Creekmore [00:10:29]:
Yeah.

Abby Kuykendall [00:10:29]:
And so when we can sit and rest in that and know that God is not asking for our put together perfection. He is asking for us to be present and to be intentional and to be obedient.

Heather Creekmore [00:10:42]:
Yeah. And what you just said there, Abby, applies to the issue that this show's all about. Right. Body image issues. Right. God is not. I should have written on exactly what you said. It was so good.

Heather Creekmore [00:10:53]:
And it was right there. And then it just.

Abby Kuykendall [00:10:54]:
Whew.

Heather Creekmore [00:10:55]:
But it was like God's. God's not asking for perfection. He's asking to be obedient and intentional.

Abby Kuykendall [00:11:01]:
Yep.

Heather Creekmore [00:11:01]:
And I want to tie this more into image in just a second, but I want to go back to just even like the whole thought of asking someone to come over. Right. Because there's the whole, like, them coming over thing.

Abby Kuykendall [00:11:12]:
Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:11:12]:
Then there's the asking. Right. Like that fear of rejection. Although we're just talking the other day about how we feel like people are desperate for invitations because they're just getting very. I mean, what have you seen?

Abby Kuykendall [00:11:25]:
Yeah, I. I mean, I. I'm all. I always go back to the. If you feel this way, somebody else is feeling this way. If you're looking for community, somebody else is looking for community. If you feel lonely, somebody else is. Feels lonely in the exact same season that you're in or a different season.

Abby Kuykendall [00:11:42]:
You know, I'm shocked. I wrote a cookbook a couple of years ago, actually during COVID which is so ironic in itself, but it was cool. And. And when I was like, you know, marketing the cookbook and taking it to churches, speaking to women, I really thought it was going to resonate with like 25 to 35 year olds, like women like me. And it ended up resonating with like the 60 plus audience, like empty nesters that were like, I practiced hospitality when I was younger and I saw my family do it, but then I had kids and then I had my job, and now I don't have any of that and I don't know what to do. And so they found a lot of hope and a lot of direction and guidance from the living table in kind of their season. So I think it's so cool how God uses all shapes and sizes and seasons of life to bring people together. But I think when it comes to asking people and inviting people over, that rejection can Feel hard.

Abby Kuykendall [00:12:41]:
And it can feel intimidating to say, oh my gosh, what if they say no? And I will say, we live in a no culture, like a self preservation culture. And so if someone is intimidated or feel comfortable coming over to your home, they might say no. Or if their schedule is too busy because they've got three kids running in different directions, or it's the summer, or name, name your poison. Like, they might say no. And I. All I would say to the woman that hears the word no when they are inviting someone over is keep asking. Because I come from a family that always invites. And even if you say no, it's kind of like, okay, next time.

Abby Kuykendall [00:13:28]:
And like, next time might be like after the next 10 asks. But my husband is someone that loves his me time and he is an introvert. He really just likes to be by himself. But what I've learned over the course of our like four or five years of relationship is that you kind of sometimes have to ask him four or five times and by the fourth or fifth time he's gonna say yes. And so I'm like, okay, see, that's how we are sometimes. We just need to be asked a couple of times. And you don't know what's going on in someone else's life. And so don't project your insecurities on them.

Abby Kuykendall [00:14:06]:
Just keep asking.

Heather Creekmore [00:14:08]:
Yeah, I love that.

Abby Kuykendall [00:14:10]:
But if you're intimidated on what to say in an invitation or like, hey, do you wanna come over? Like, it can be as easy as that. But I will say chat. GPT can help you with that. You type in, hey, I want to ask Heather over and this is what I want to do. And this is how, how long I want her to be here. And this is what I want to talk to her about. Chat will send you a text message, conversational ready text message that you can just copy and paste. Oh my God, text.

Heather Creekmore [00:14:40]:
Oh my goodness. That's hilarious. That is hilarious. I didn't think we were going there today, Abby. That's pretty funny.

Abby Kuykendall [00:14:48]:
Oh, yeah. Oh, you know what? Any, any way to break down a barrier and to get people to invite and say, welcome, come into my home. I'm like, use, use the tool, girl. Because on the other side of that obedience, God is waiting to like, bless you tenfold. So if we can get you to that blessing faster, let's do it.

Heather Creekmore [00:15:10]:
Okay, so talk to me though. Hospitality as a discipline. I mean, a discipline sounds like something I should be doing regularly. It's hard like, like talk more about that.

Abby Kuykendall [00:15:22]:
That, that word is kind of negative, you know, like, I don't know. I'm not disciplined with food. I'm not disciplined with my workouts. I'm not disciplined with my cleaning. But you want me to be disciplined and bring people into my home. Cool. Okay. So you could also think about it as, like, a rhythm or a practice.

Abby Kuykendall [00:15:40]:
Like, I'm just going to just create a rhythm of hospitality in my life once a month, once a week, whatever that rhythm looks like. I would really encourage you to sit down and identify that within yourself, within your family, of, like, we want to invite another family over once a quarter or once a month, whatever that looks like naturally for you and your family or you individually, if you have the capacity to add on additional hospitality moments. But, you know, I think that when you read Scripture, you read that hospitality needs to be practiced. Hospitality is a part of the Christian faith. And while Paul does write when he talks about spiritual gifts, that we all need to be praying for spiritual gifts, that we receive them and that we have them, we can be praying for the gift of hospitality. But a lot of people are shocked that hospitality, when I do my spiritual gift assessment, is not the topic even in the top five of my spiritual gifts, because it is something that I have worked on but does not come naturally to me. Conversation with, like, a group of people, like, as much as you would think I have. I love.

Abby Kuykendall [00:16:57]:
I love talking, but conversation is so challenging for me. I would much rather listen to people talk than like, talk or lead the conversation. But I will. I will delegate that and I will bring people together and say, lead us in conversation. And I will facilitate it all day. But you tell me to facilitate it, and I, like, run for the hills. But that is something I've had to work on in this discipline or this practice of hospitality, is that when you bring people in, you are doing it not from an entertaining perspective, not from an I'm trying to impress you, but a heart of love. And the Lord is looking for you to help others see who he is through your actions by making them feel fully loved, fully seen, and fully known.

Abby Kuykendall [00:17:51]:
And if you, by doing that, they are able to experience God's grace and God's goodness in a way that they might not have experienced it if you don't invite them in. And so that hospitality as a practice just helps us not only experience God in a deeper way, but help others experience God in a deeper way. And who doesn't want to experience God more frequently?

Heather Creekmore [00:18:14]:
Right, right, right. I love that. And I love the distinction between entertaining and that word always like, my husband and I used to mock HGTV all the time because if you ever notice, they go into, you know, different space. Oh, this would be great for entertaining. You know, they go into the, like the extra large bathroom. I mean, it's like that ridiculous. Every space. This would be great for entertaining.

Heather Creekmore [00:18:35]:
And we always would be like, yeah, they're not actually having anyone over. Like, that's never gonna happen.

Abby Kuykendall [00:18:40]:
Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:18:40]:
But there's a difference between entertaining and hospitality.

Abby Kuykendall [00:18:47]:
Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:18:47]:
And I think our culture has defined. Well, it's really tried to mute hospitality. Yeah, right. For sure. It's all about entertaining. It's all about like.

Abby Kuykendall [00:18:57]:
Well, and if you look at like the definition of hospitality, a lot of times it'll come up like hotel management. Oh, yes. Because that's the way you have to redefine it.

Heather Creekmore [00:19:05]:
Right, Right. I've got friends that were hospitality majors. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Abby Kuykendall [00:19:11]:
It's like, wait, wait, so what does it look like when I like, bring people in and the world says, oh, that's entertaining. That's hosting.

Heather Creekmore [00:19:17]:
Right.

Abby Kuykendall [00:19:17]:
To the point of like, even as I'm writing I Let the biscuits Burn, my new book that just came out that, like, it. I had a hard time, even in my vernacular, and I talk about hospitality as my job. Like, this is my job. And I even had a hard time writing, like, wanting to use the word when you host people or when you like. Because hosting is essentially just a synonym for entertaining. And so, like, I had even a hard time just like, in my vocabulary of like, the world really does change and kind of pervert the way that God wanted us to orchestrate our lives around community.

Heather Creekmore [00:19:59]:
Right, Right. And I love that you landed on community, because that was the next thing I was going to say was it really is about letting people in.

Abby Kuykendall [00:20:07]:
Right.

Heather Creekmore [00:20:07]:
Letting people in your door, but letting people in to your life, into your heart, into your world. And what I've noticed in coaching women with body image issues for so many years is that one of the questions asked pretty early on is like, how many friends do you have? Okay. How many good friends do you have? How many friends do you have that you can actually have, like heart to heart issues about stuff you're struggling with. And most of the time, not all the time, but most of the time that number is pretty low. Or they say, no one. Like, yeah, I don't have anyone. Right. And so I think, you know, it's just another way that our, our issues could be helped.

Heather Creekmore [00:20:46]:
Right. We can learn again, like, that we're safe. When you let someone else into your home, Letting them into your heart, letting them into your life. Like that shows you're okay and.

Abby Kuykendall [00:20:55]:
Absolutely. And the fastest way to intimacy is to show your mess. You know, like, if you're going to act perfect and you are going to put a just like amazing, picture perfect visual for people out there. Like, your house is always clean. There are no dishes in the sink. Like, your kids aren't crazy. You know, like, I mean, I was just thinking like a couple weeks ago I had some friends over for a game night and I have a 15 month old. And so he goes to bed about between 6:30 and 7 right now.

Abby Kuykendall [00:21:31]:
And so I was like, great, he'll be winding down. And for, for a hot minute, I. It went through my mind. Now this is where you need to train your mind. That's a lie from the Enemy. But I was like, it's going to be so hard to like have people over but also put John Maverick down. So I should probably just get a babysitter for like 45 minutes.

Heather Creekmore [00:21:52]:
Hmm.

Abby Kuykendall [00:21:53]:
I'm sorry, what? Like, are you bonkers? Like, no, you do not need a babysitter for 45 minutes. It is fine that your child will be, you know, zoomy around the house and then you can excuse yourself for 10 minutes, put your child down, and then come back. Your husband will be there. Like, your friends are fine without you. Like, you do not have to babysit them. You know, like, just. But that was a lie. The Enemy was telling me was like, you have invited people over at a really inconvenient time for you because you're gonna have to do bedtime while you're hosting people.

Abby Kuykendall [00:22:27]:
And it's like, no, that's not what it's about, right? Guess what? Me stepping away to put John Maverick down then opened up a conversation that they had with me about, hey, how are y' all doing? 15 months in, you've kind of like passed the postpartum. Like, where are y' all with, you know, school? Like, what are you, you know, how's your heart? How you know, are y' all getting out? Are y' all dating? Like, how are y' all connecting? And so it really opened up, like inviting them into my mess. Not that that's technically a mess, but chaos maybe open the door for some pretty intimate conversation. And I don't think that that's just an isolated event. I think that when you open yourselves up for just like showcasing, like, this is truly who I am. This is my authentic, vulnerable self that opens the door for others to feel comfortable being Raw and intimate themselves with you. And I tell a story in the Living Table, my cookbook about. I lived in an apartment.

Abby Kuykendall [00:23:38]:
I was, like, 28. And when my friends would come over, they would always ask for coasters. And I did not have, like, nice furniture. It was all, like, thrifted and maybe had, like, some side tables from Walmart. Like, it was just cheap, you know, I was living in an apartment, and. But I started to realize that when my house was kind of messy or, like, the pillows were on the floor when they walked in, or dishes were in the sink, they never asked for a coaster. And I was like, that's because they felt comfortable. Like, this was, like, their home, you know? But when everything looks prim and proper, when all the lines are clean and straight, it's like, oh, I can't mess anything up.

Abby Kuykendall [00:24:19]:
It's like I'm a kid in a china shop. And it's like, no, you're not.

Heather Creekmore [00:24:24]:
Yeah, that's. That's.

Abby Kuykendall [00:24:25]:
This should be your home, too.

Heather Creekmore [00:24:27]:
That's so good. Yeah. So I'm a pastor's wife, and goodness. It was probably about 15 or 16 years ago that I was still like, if someone called and they were like, I'm gonna drop something off, it would be like, okay. Like, the alarms go off, the siren goes off. It's preparation mode. Dishes have to be done. Kitchen has to be clean.

Heather Creekmore [00:24:52]:
Like, laundry has to be out of sight. Like, just make the house look like no one lives here. That's our goal. And at a certain point, I really felt like the Holy Spirit convicted me, was like, okay, just what you said. Like, they need to see that you're real. They need to see that you have laundry and you have dishes. And. I mean.

Heather Creekmore [00:25:11]:
And really, who gave us the idea that we could only have people over to our homes if we made our homes look like they were model homes where no one lived? Right. It's kind of silly in a way. Right?

Abby Kuykendall [00:25:21]:
Nope.

Heather Creekmore [00:25:21]:
Sorry. I live here. I've got stuff.

Abby Kuykendall [00:25:23]:
Yeah, I watched. I watched the documentary of Martha Stewart on Netflix or something, and she has a quote about entertaining. And I wish I could, like, verbatim write it, like, behind the scenes after you've written a book and you're, like, at the. It's in production and, like, on the shelves, like, you've forgotten half of, like, the actual words that are written in the book. But she has a quote about entertaining, and she goes into it in the documentary about, like, she lives her life at such a high standard of perfection that she walked through depression for for a time in her life and did not have really good relationships with people because of the perfection that she placed on herself.

Heather Creekmore [00:26:09]:
Right.

Abby Kuykendall [00:26:10]:
And what I think is fascinating about that is when we talk about hospitality, nine times out of 10 people are like, Martha Stewart.

Heather Creekmore [00:26:18]:
Right? Absolutely.

Abby Kuykendall [00:26:19]:
And if you really dove into who Martha Stewart. Well, I'm not saying she's a bad person, but if you dove into and got deeper into, like, her heart, I think that you would find that when you focus on entertaining and not true. The heart, the heart of biblical hospitality, you're going to miss something. You're going to miss that love, that community, that, that fulfilling blessedness. Blessedness that you get from authentically opening your home and inviting people in.

Heather Creekmore [00:26:49]:
Right.

Abby Kuykendall [00:26:49]:
Mess and all.

Heather Creekmore [00:26:50]:
Well, because entertaining is about me. I mean, and I've, you know, so I have four kids and I was actually joking the other day, like, I am a birthday party failure now. But like, my oldest two. Oh, goodness. I mean, every, like, food was themed with the theme of the party. And, you know, little. Like, everyone knew what the pretzels were, but they didn't know they were Luke's lightsaber pretzels or whatever the like, theme was. I mean, it was so much stress and so much perfection.

Heather Creekmore [00:27:22]:
And it's like, my children have no recollection of these things. I've got a lot of pictures. But, you know, it was, it was all about me. I wanted people to think, oh, wow, Heather's so clever. Heather throws great parties. Right. But that's not hospitality. Like, hospitality isn't all about me.

Heather Creekmore [00:27:40]:
It should be loving others well. And that should take the pressure off of me to do things perfectly.

Abby Kuykendall [00:27:48]:
Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure. Just those lies, right? The lies of perfection. I mean, even when you're talking about, like, body image, that lie of perfection, I mean, it will sabotage. I'm not talking about, like, ministry because you're a pastor's wife, but like your ministry in your life.

Heather Creekmore [00:28:04]:
Right?

Abby Kuykendall [00:28:04]:
Like, the people you come into contact with. If you are constantly battling insecurities and these lies that the enemy's gonna tell you that you're not good enough. Guess what, sis? Scripture tells us we're not good enough. We are weak. But he makes us strong. Like, I mean, he is in us, making us. Like, so I just, I, I rely on that so heavily when I look at my home and I'm like, gosh, it's such a wreck, you know, and it's like, but it's okay because guess what this means that I am living in a love filled Home.

Heather Creekmore [00:28:40]:
Yeah. And I love that. And we can tie that directly to body image, too. Right. Because like, we talked about, like, having a perfect home as a barrier. Right. People come over and they feel like they have to treat you a certain way with coasters and all the things. Like, we all think we want to have a perfect body or perfect look or perfect image, but, like, that actually would isolate us from people even more.

Heather Creekmore [00:29:04]:
I mean, and honestly, like, we think we want that because we think people would love us, but people just actually hate on people that they think are perfect. Right. So we would just make a bigger gap from what we really want, which is just to be in beauty, to be in relationship, be loved. Right. And so there's that connection between our homes and our images. But then there's also the connection of when you are willing just to be a vessel to be used to love others. That takes the pressure off of your appearance and meets the standards in the world. Standards.

Heather Creekmore [00:29:38]:
Right. And I think the same applies to hospitality. Take the pressure off, just make your home, make your time like a vessel for just loving others. Well, inviting them in. Like, I think there's so many connections there.

Abby Kuykendall [00:29:54]:
Yeah. When you're not looking for approval, but you're looking for just the ability and the opportunity to love others and to express who God is. I mean, the world is your oyster. Like, God's gonna open up so many opportunities for you to. I mean, just yesterday I was eating brunch somewhere and I saw a gal that, I mean, I was really good friends with five or six years ago, and we just kind of fell out. We fell into different friend groups and just. We went different ways. And, you know, I view my days as opportunities.

Abby Kuykendall [00:30:34]:
Like, what's my purpose for today, God? Like, who are you placing in front of my life to, like, put on my heart to show hospitality to or to love you, love better so that they can experience you more. And I was like, oh, my gosh. I haven't talked to her in, like, two and a years and just thought, you know, I should probably invite her over for coffee. Lord knows what we're going to talk about, but. But, you know, it just was like that opportunity that if I were too consumed with. Oh, my gosh, I don't know if I hurt her feelings two years ago. I don't know what happened. Like, I.

Abby Kuykendall [00:31:08]:
She probably doesn't like me anymore. Like, she probably has too many friends or she's not going to have enough time that would keep me from experiencing God in a new way or experiencing what he's gonna do through me for her.

Heather Creekmore [00:31:24]:
Right.

Abby Kuykendall [00:31:25]:
Which is so cool. Like, I love that word vessel. Like, if we allow ourselves to be used as a vessel, man, the possibilities are endless.

Heather Creekmore [00:31:35]:
Absolutely. And that's where we find joy too, right? Like, otherwise, like, we think we're gonna find joy when we pull off the perfect event or we pull off the perfect look. Like, then I'll be happy, then I'll be. And it's not. The joy comes from. From serving, from. From, you know, pouring out, from doing what he's called us to do.

Abby Kuykendall [00:31:55]:
And I think that obsession with perfection, whether it's like, perfect body or your perfect party or whatever, keeps us, like, inward focused. Right. And not like kingdom focused. And we need to be laser focused on how we can impact the kingdom every single day.

Heather Creekmore [00:32:12]:
I love it. I love it. Abby. Okay. You have this awesome brand new book. You mentioned it once. Let the biscuits Burn. Cultivating real life hospitality in a world craving connection.

Heather Creekmore [00:32:22]:
It's a fantastic book. Just tell everyone, like, maybe, you know, we talked about, like, that it's about hospitality. Anything else about it that we need to know?

Abby Kuykendall [00:32:33]:
Yeah, well, you know, hey, there's some AI tips in it, so get excited.

Heather Creekmore [00:32:37]:
Awesome.

Abby Kuykendall [00:32:39]:
No, but, you know, I really dive into those excuses. I mean, we've talked about several of them, but I dive into some excuses. But I also dive into some practicality about hospitality that we might not think about, like, emotional and physical boundaries. And how do you set those in hospitality? Because it doesn't just mean that your doors always open and that anyone and everyone can come in and use up Heather, you know, like, it. It does. I mean, when you look at Jesus and his ministry, like, he isolated himself and got rejuvenated and spent time with God. And so I think that it's the same for us. We need to set those boundaries.

Abby Kuykendall [00:33:21]:
So I talk about that. I also talk about the art of the conversation and the invitation and how. How to have really great conversation, how to prepare your heart for that, but also how to invite people over and what that invitation actually means for the kingdom. And so that that's super, super fun to dive into. Because while I love diving into kind of the spiritual discipline of it, I think that there are a lot of steps that we don't that aren't necessarily talked about. When we talk about kind of the practicality of how do you do this? That I kind of dive into. And then there is a hosting handbook in the back.

Heather Creekmore [00:34:03]:
Okay.

Abby Kuykendall [00:34:04]:
That is fun. That just has, like, some tips and tricks. It has, like, my shopping list of, like, things I always keep in my pantry. Some quick wins when it comes to the kitchen. But also it has some great, like, conversation starter kits that if you need actual physical help, you can go shop and go buy these. So just some things that have helped me throughout the years kind of practice hospitality. And then I got to record my own audiobook, which is super fun. So if this is something that, you know, like, people aren't, hey, I'd love.

Abby Kuykendall [00:34:40]:
I'd love to have your book, but I'd also love to hear you or hear the book read to me. I might get through it a little bit faster. That option is there as well, so I love that.

Heather Creekmore [00:34:50]:
And yeah, let me just kind of back you up on that conversation starter thing. My husband and I have noticed that when we do host or even, you know, go to a dinner party where, you know, Maybe it's like 10 or so people, five couples going out to dinner, when we bring some sort of conversation starter, some questions, like, the conversation is so much richer. It goes so much deeper because people just aren't used to people asking them about themselves in a rich, deep way.

Abby Kuykendall [00:35:20]:
Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:35:20]:
And. And they're just touched to be able to share. They're touched that someone asked them that. So I just. I love that aspect of it. Like, I through miss the book last night. I think it's fantastic. It's super fun.

Heather Creekmore [00:35:31]:
It's just a great read. So I highly recommend Let the Biscuits Burn.

Abby Kuykendall [00:35:36]:
Kind of ironic for a cookbook author, right?

Heather Creekmore [00:35:39]:
No, it's awesome. I love it. Well, you know, I was on a Netflix. I was on Netflix's. Nailed it.

Abby Kuykendall [00:35:47]:
Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:35:47]:
I'm first season, so, like, yeah, big sales are all about. That's. I'm all about that.

Abby Kuykendall [00:35:54]:
I love it.

Heather Creekmore [00:35:55]:
Abby, tell everyone where they can connect with you.

Abby Kuykendall [00:35:57]:
Yeah, I'm over on Instagram. Abby Kuykendall. So that's K U Y K E N D A L L. And I'm also Abby Kirkendall.com and I occasionally pin some things on Pinterest, but have a podcast called Let the Biscuits Burn where we talk about stuff like this. It's not necessarily about hospitality, but it's about how we need to throw off perfection in every area of our life. Not necessarily just in hospitality, but that that theme runs true in a lot of our lives.

Heather Creekmore [00:36:28]:
So that's what this show is. Oh, love it. Well, Abby, thanks so much for being on the show today, for sure. Bye, Heather, and thank you for watching or listening today. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye. Bye.

Disclaimer: This transcript is AI-generated and has not been edited for accuracy or clarity.