How Do I Get Over What Others Think of Me Coaching With Presli [Podcast Transcript]

Title: How Do I Get Over What Others Think of Me Coaching With Presli 

Podcast Date: June 3, 2025

Listen Here: 

Description

Today's live coaching call with Presli will make you think and encourage your heart. Heather coaches Presli through what to do when she panics, freezes, and feels insecure around women who are thinner, prettier, or more put together than she is. Heather and Presli talk about practical strategies for handling these scenarios. Later in the episode they talk about wearing swimsuits, how to remember the truth of where your value and worth comes from, and why it is so easy to forget the truth when body image issues begin to flare. There's so much truth in this mega episode, you'll want to listen twice. Share with a friend and have a conversation together about what sticks out to you!

The 40-Day Journey starts in two weeks! Sign up here to join us: www.improvebodyimage.com/40-day-challenge

Mentioned in today's show:

Hear Presli's other coaching sessions:

https://omny.fm/shows/compared-to-who/when-body-image-issues-began

https://omny.fm/shows/compared-to-who/ive-never-been-able-to-reach-my-ideal-image-presli

https://omny.fm/shows/compared-to-who/rejection-shame-and-healing-coaching-call-featurin

https://omny.fm/shows/compared-to-who/live-coaching-call-preslis-battle-with-butter-fear

Interview with Eryn Eddy Adkins:https://omny.fm/shows/compared-to-who/so-worth-loving-eryn-eddy-adkins-on-perfectionism-aging-and-redemption

Heather's Books: https://www.improvebodyimage.com/books-for-christian-women-body-image

Learn more about the ministry, Heather, and this show: https://wwwimprovebodyimage.com

Transcript

Disclaimer: This transcript is AI-generated and has not been edited for accuracy or clarity.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:00:02]:

Life audio. Hey, friend. Heather Creekmore here. Thanks for listening to the Compare To podcast. Today is another one of our live coaching calls, and I'm coaching my client and my social media manager, Presley, again today. If you haven't listened to our other episodes, you can go back and search for them at improvebodyimage.com backslash podcast. You can find all the episodes with Presley just by dropping her name into the search bar there. But Presley and I are going to a place that you can probably relate to.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:00:37]:

The question, overarching all of Presley's concerns, is, like, what do I do if I just don't feel comfortable around other people? Like, I'm kind of afraid of what others think of me. I wanna be approved of by them. Like, how do I get over this insecurity I feel around people who I feel like are thinner or better looking than me? That's where we're going today. If you're new to the show, welcome. We tackle tough topics like this every time, but my goal, my hope, my heart is to give you better answers than just love yourself or just remember that you're fearfully and wonderfully made. That's true, but I think there's richer biblical answers for these body image issues, for this insecurity that we feel, and that's where we go on this show every single week. Hey. I'm glad you're here for today's episode.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:01:31]:

Let's get to this coaching following with Presley. Presley, welcome back to another coaching session, and you are bravely and boldly being coached in front of the whole world.

 

Presli [00:01:54]:

That's what I mean.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:01:57]:

Oh, yes. Well, I'm glad that you have the courage to come back and do this again. And I know you've been in your head a lot. I know there's a lot of things going on. Why don't you just share some of what's going on in that head of yours? And, and trust me, we all are in our heads a lot with this stuff, so you're not alone. But why don't you just share what's been going on for you?

 

Presli [00:02:24]:

Yeah. So I was really excited to do this coaching call and get to talk to you about all the stuff that I talk about alone to myself with in my head. Oh, yeah. Something that has come up, and you've talked about it before, but it's different to just talk about it with you, my specific thing. So, like, I will be at my mother in law's or, you know, somewhere or my sister-in-law will show up, and she's that person that is dressed to the t. Like, her outfit is always cute. She's super fit. Like and, like, she she just had a baby.

 

Presli [00:03:07]:

Like, I think the baby's three months old now, and she's, like, instantly fit again. Like, she just had the baby fit. That did not happen for me. Mhmm. So I just noticed, like, lately because I feel like before, I was I wasn't thinking that way, but it just, like, crept up on me again. Like, when I see her, I'm like, oh, she's so fit. She looks so good always, and she's, like, the embodiment of grace and love, and she's humble and sweet. And so everything seems perfect, and I just get in my head about it.

 

Presli [00:03:41]:

And it and I notice I start to feel insecure. I I can feel myself, like, literally sweat around her. And I feel like, ugh, I'm so inadequate. And, even to the point that her husband is also fit. He's, like, bodybuilder looking guy. And around them, I feel like such a peasant. Like, I feel like I just wanna crawl inside myself and, like, say we're eating dinner together or something. I don't even wanna eat because I feel like everybody's watching everybody I take because, like, I don't know why.

 

Presli [00:04:12]:

But I I get in my head about that.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:04:15]:

Yeah. I know you're not alone in that.

 

Presli [00:04:19]:

Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:04:21]:

So okay. So when we normally, when we have a problem, right, something we obsess over, we think of ways to fix it. Right? So what where does your brain go to fix it?

 

Presli [00:04:38]:

I feel I feel like I kind of clam up. Mhmm. And, like, I'm not as I'm not relating to her anymore. Mhmm. I, like, I can't just be a person. Like, I can't have a conversation or anything because I'm so stuck in my head. And I honestly I grab my phone, and I start to look busy or I try to leave. Like, oh, I've got something to do at the house.

 

Presli [00:05:03]:

Yeah. Nice to see you. Bye bye. Yeah. Guess I gotta run.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:05:06]:

Well, so it's kinda interesting. Right? Because, like like, you know what that's called. Right? Like, it's a stress response. Right? You're kinda going into fight or flight. Right? Like, yeah. I mean, you you you're hiding. You're you're you're you're you're or you're fleeing. Right? You're getting away.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:05:26]:

And so what happens in that moment, right, is you are your body's like, oh, I'm in danger. I am threatened. I am not safe here. I can't compete. I'm losing. And so you can't even use your prefrontal cortex. You can't even use, like, the thinking part of your brain and say nice Bible verses to yourself and remind yourself that you're fearfully what like, you don't even have access to that. Right?

 

Presli [00:05:58]:

Exactly.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:05:58]:

It's just like,

 

Presli [00:06:00]:

tiger in the room.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:06:02]:

What do I do? Right? It's probably funny to think about your sister-in-law as a tiger because I, you know, I wanna be very clear that, right? Like, this is nothing like she's not doing anything wrong. Right? It's just how how you're responding to her. So so let's talk about what's true. Are you unsafe when you're with her?

 

Presli [00:06:31]:

No. Not really. Well so there's, like because most people aren't in the body image freedom mindset. They're they haven't experienced anything. So the conversation does lead a lot to dieting. It does lead a lot to yourself apart. Like okay. So we were at a barbecue at my mother in law's house, and my other sister-in-law showed up.

 

Presli [00:06:58]:

She's losing weight, and that's another thing we can talk about later. But, so my sister-in-law the my tiger sister-in-law, she, said to my other sister-in-law, wow. Isn't that you've lost weight? Your shoulders look smaller and everything. And since I've done all this work with you, I thought, oh, what an ugly thing to say. Like and I know she was trying to be kind and relate to her. So then, like so there are times it's not that she's unsafe, but a lot of the time, the conversation does go back to bodies and how we look and do you look small. And then I I think, do you look small? Do you look put together? So we all kind of apologize for the way we look still. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry I showed up looking raggedy.

 

Presli [00:07:41]:

Ugh. I'm sorry that, you know, I'm still overweight. Ugh. So the conversation does get unsafe. So maybe that's why because it doesn't feel like a safe space for all bodies yet.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:07:55]:

Well, it's interesting that you set a safe space for all bodies. Right? Because that's not who's showing up. It's people that are showing up, but how they're assessed or related to is just as bodies. Right? And so you're right. That is unsafe to go into a scenario where you are just seen as a body or seen for your body. Although I think that's probably only half true. Right? I I just wonder to what degree that element is present, but then also if there is more. Right? Like Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:08:37]:

Because I don't think they're necessarily, like, saying Presley, you're not welcome here because you're not one of us. Right?

 

Presli [00:08:47]:

Right. They would definitely yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:08:49]:

Right. So so the truth is you're not being rejected.

 

Presli [00:08:55]:

Right.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:08:56]:

You're kind of self rejecting on their behalf.

 

Presli [00:09:00]:

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Because it's like my my thought process is, like, scrambling for something.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:09:12]:

So it's like we talk about in the 40 journey, but I think also in the the course, the body image freedom framework course when we do coaching. And I know you've gone through that too, but it's the economy thing. Right? Like, you're showing up and saying and you're showing up and trying to, like, have one foot in their economy. Right? Like, okay. I know I'm valuable here if I talk about weight loss and look a certain way and, you know, try to, like, compete with the tools of that economy. And yet you got one foot in the other economy, which I would say, like, maybe more like God's economy of, like, no. I know what's really valuable about me is not that. Right? And what do I always say, Presley? What happens when you're straddling the fence?

 

Presli [00:09:59]:

You get a sore crotch. Right? Yeah. That's never gonna feel good.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:10:09]:

So let's talk about what to do. Okay. So first, I think any envy, you gotta take care of.

 

Presli [00:10:20]:

Yeah. And it's definite.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:10:22]:

Yeah. Envy is a sin. And whenever we are trapped in that sin or any other sin, right, we give the enemy a foothold in our lives. We give him an entrance way. We're saying, I am I'm bonded with you, Satan. It's sin, so to speak. Right? Like like, yeah, I'm gonna allow for this, and then he has access. Like, he can put those thoughts in because they just glom onto that envy and can, you know, start you spiraling.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:10:51]:

And so I would say first and foremost, right, we're taking care we take care of the envy. Right? Confess it to the Lord. Maybe even you know, I don't know if you listen to the episode I did, with Erin Adkins Eddie. She's so sweet. It was such a great show. And she talked about telling her friends that, she was jealous of them. Right? And what that did for their relationship, and I actually shared I I think I shared in the burden of better compared to I don't remember or comparison free life. It's not called

 

Presli [00:11:23]:

the burden of better anywhere. But I

 

Heather Creekmore [00:11:24]:

think I shared in one of those books about doing that as well, like, telling someone that I had always been, envious of them. So there is something interesting that happens when you do that.

 

Presli [00:11:36]:

It it it it.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:11:38]:

Right. And some people some people, can't handle it. Like, some people are just gonna be really uncomfortable. Right? They're gonna be like, okay. Whatever. Right? But then some people are gonna be willing to go a little deeper. Like, wow. I can't believe you're jealous of me.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:11:56]:

Like, I'm jealous of how, like, bold you are. I'm jealous of how you handle things or whatever. And so it it is it could be interesting to pray about whether or not that's what the Lord wants you to do too because that could change your relationship with her. But but whenever there's envy, there's the opportunity for you to just be in your head over these things. Right? So so first, take care of the envy. Right? Yeah. And then second, I think you have to stop believing the lie that their lives are perfect because they're losing weight. Because, Presley, you you know You've lost weight before.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:12:37]:

Did that make your life perfect when you lost weight?

 

Presli [00:12:40]:

It was even worse. Right. Right. Okay. Because so

 

Heather Creekmore [00:12:43]:

let's let's go tell me about it. Like, remind yourself here. Tell me about what happened. Like, we you know, hopefully, everyone's listened to your butter incident.

 

Presli [00:12:52]:

It's the last time we

 

Heather Creekmore [00:12:53]:

did this coaching call. But, like, who was that Presley? Who was Presley on a weight loss journey? Tell me about her.

 

Presli [00:13:01]:

So narcissistic. So self absorbed. Yeah. So I don't think I ever mentioned this. Maybe I did. But I was so crazy about wanting to fit into a size ten that I went to the store, and I, poured myself into a size ten jeans, and they were so uncomfortable. I I don't even think I could breathe, but I was like, oh, yeah. I'm in this size ten.

 

Presli [00:13:29]:

And I don't know what kind of reward I thought that was because I looked crazy in them. Like, it looks like I would bring little kids can't. But, anyway so it gives you that's one part of it. It gives you, like, this form of psychosis, like, what you're willing to do to wear this size or to, like, lose this last five pounds. And I'm saying last five pounds in quotes because, like, when you lose that last five pounds, it's like, oh, I could lose five more.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:13:55]:

Right.

 

Presli [00:13:56]:

And then I would finally be happy. Then I will look like I wanna look because you maybe reach your goal weight, and then you see that I don't look like I wanted to look. And they just get more obsessed and more obsessed. I couldn't eat with my family. I I mean, I was just I was, like, rage embodied.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:14:14]:

Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. And and some of that, I think, some of that is emotional. Right? Some of that's just like physical because we're hungry. Right? When we're dining and so focused on that goal of I wanna get to this size and I'm so I'm not gonna eat. It just makes you angry. It really does.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:14:35]:

You're just like, I'm gonna bite your head off and knock your head off, whatever. Like,

 

Presli [00:14:41]:

just me. Right? Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:14:45]:

It's because you're hungry. Like, and and also you're like, I don't know, like a wild caged animal. Right? You're in restriction, which is the cage. You can't have food freely, so you're just, I don't know, a wild bull in there, like, they're not letting me out. You've been cortisol. Right. Right. It's all cortisol.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:15:06]:

You're right. Because because when you don't have I'm so glad you said that because you you only have two things that you can run on. Like, a body can only run on like, cars can only run on gas. Right? But your body, God, was so gracious to us to give us an alternate system if there's not food. So for those times when there's a famine in the land, which doesn't happen here very much in The United States, but but God made it so we could run on these stress hormones and our bodies could keep going if we didn't feed them. But we're not designed to run on stress hormones forever. Right? And so, yeah, when you aren't running on food, remember, you are not I don't know, like, what I thought all those years I wasn't running on food. I guess I thought here's what I thought.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:16:00]:

I thought it was running on the fumes of my melting fat. That's what I thought I was running on. Right? Like, you guys, my fat was melting and it was like emitting, like, like, gasoline fumes. And that's what I was that's how I was subsisting. But that's not just not true. Like, you're running on cortisol. Right? You're running on hormones, and then your hormones get out of balance. And I don't know about you, but when my hormones are out of balance, like, I'm not exactly a happier person.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:16:33]:

Like, that's a recipe for anger. Right? So so all of this was to remember what Presley was like when she was chasing that. Right? Yeah. That wasn't a better version of Presley.

 

Presli [00:16:52]:

Right? Absolutely. No.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:16:54]:

It wasn't. Okay? And I think the challenge now is you feel like you're watching other people do it all. Right? Oh, well, look. They're living like this kind of life, and they're doing these other things. And, you know, they're able to pursue Jesus and weight loss. They're able to, you know, pursue having this kind of family and weight loss, and it looks like they're doing it all the well. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren't.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:17:29]:

But this isn't about them and the path they're on. This is about you.

 

Presli [00:17:35]:

Right? Yeah. I hear Jesus. What's it to you?

 

Heather Creekmore [00:17:38]:

Wait. Say that again, Presley. Say that again a little louder.

 

Presli [00:17:42]:

I hear Jesus saying what's it to you?

 

Heather Creekmore [00:17:44]:

What's it to you?

 

Presli [00:17:46]:

About her. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:17:49]:

Yeah. And and so many times I would say, right, like, I don't know if this is true of your sister in laws, but we're all on our own journeys. Right? So who knows if there will be a point at their journey where they come to the same crossroads you came to? Like, I'm sick of spending my whole life trying to diet. I'm sick of chasing a thinner body. Like, I want something more from life. Maybe they'll come to that point. Maybe they won't. Right? Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:18:20]:

But what they do can't affect what you know to be true of you. I don't like, let's take this to money because I think it's always interesting to think about this outside of the realm of bodies. Right? Like, we all probably know someone who's, like, seems to be doing really well at getting rich. Right? Yeah. And we don't know the whole story. We don't know how, you know, how much time away from home they're sacrificing to get rich or, you know, how much sleep they're sacrificing to get rich. So, like, we don't really know those details. But as we watch them go by on our social media or, like, see them, like, upfront or something, we think, wow.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:19:04]:

Like, they're doing it. They're achieving something. Like, wow. And look at us. Look at the blessings that come with it. I'm I'm using the word blessings a little bit sarcastically, but look at what they're earning. Right? Like, oh, look. They've got all this.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:19:19]:

They've got all this wealth. That's really what happens to us in this body image equation. Right? Because we view when you have body image issues or you're struggling with the body image idol, you view bodies as a sign of wealth. Right? It's not not actual, like, money wealth, but, like, oh, like, that person has value. Right? Yeah. Because they have figured out how to pursue this kind of wealth, and they're doing it well.

 

Presli [00:19:49]:

Right?

 

Heather Creekmore [00:19:50]:

But there's always more to the story, and you know you know, that's not what God's called you to.

 

Presli [00:20:01]:

Yeah. Well, I do know that you reminded me.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:20:09]:

You know, it it's oh, man. I was at a church last weekend, and, and I loved I I was just the pastor did such a knockout job of, talking about idolatry in terms of brochures. And I was like, dude, that's just genius. Because it's like the weight loss brochure, the get skinny brochure, the, like, do this fitness plan brochure. All of those brochures try to sell you, like, if you can just do this, life will be amazing. Like, oh, wow. Like, everything is just gonna come together. Like, birds are gonna sing and rainbows are gonna just, like, appear in the sky.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:20:55]:

And every morning will be bright sunshine and a cool breeze. And, I mean, it's just like, woah. And I mean, I would say, you know, it's funny. I would say most of us would body images probably don't care anything about, like, what we care some about nature. But it's more like for us, the sunshine and rainbows is like, oh, I can wear that single digit size, and I could

 

Presli [00:21:19]:

just pick me up effortlessly and

 

Heather Creekmore [00:21:21]:

Oh, man. There. Presley, don't even get me started. Like, I I wanted to do a whole blog post on how triggering it is to see those, like, him carry her over the threshold, like, in any, like, video or movie or whatever. He was just like, oh, oh,

 

Presli [00:21:37]:

it hurts.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:21:38]:

Yeah. That didn't happen. My husband blamed his back problems, but

 

Presli [00:21:44]:

I don't know that sounds really true. Don't

 

Heather Creekmore [00:21:49]:

get me started there. But it but it's those but it's those kind of things, those images. Right? And so thinking about a brochure, like, the images on the brochure, like, oh, he could just toss me up in the air while I'm wearing a super cute outfit, you know, hair, like, everything is just, like, flawless. And I just I look like I belong on a brochure because I bought what that brochure was selling me.

 

Presli [00:22:19]:

Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:22:19]:

But you know the reality.

 

Presli [00:22:24]:

Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:22:28]:

So why what does your heart really want?

 

Presli [00:22:41]:

I don't know now that you asked.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:22:46]:

I mean, like

 

Presli [00:22:47]:

I just want like, in those moments in those moments when my sister-in-law shows up, I wanna be able to engage with her and with everyone there without feeling like running away. Mhmm. And I think that, like, remembering what you said, I feel strong again like I used to feel, but I forgot. I forgot. I forgot the truth and that in those moments, I I think I forgot it so deeply that I didn't because I feel like in the beginning, I I could call on those truths, and it emboldened me to stay. But I forgot, so I needed to go. And I feel like in my brain, as soon as I see her, all these tabs are open in my brain, like, planning my next diet. How can I make myself acceptable to be here and all this stuff? And I just needed to remembering that truth would have closed all those tabs.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:23:53]:

Yeah. But I

 

Presli [00:23:54]:

had too much stuff open, and I I need to run.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:23:59]:

Yeah. Well, okay. So let me let me just back up a second because I wanna be clear. I said, what does your heart want? Well, the hardest deceitful, like, who could know it. Right? So I I didn't really mean I didn't really mean that. But what I meant was, like, what do you long for? Right? And I think maybe you can fill this in if I'm not get hitting it. Like, you just long to be accepted. Right? I mean, would you put other words to it, Pres?

 

Presli [00:24:33]:

It's accepted. Yeah. And I think at peace, like, relax there. Like, I I forgot again it's okay to just be me. Yeah. If my thighs touch my stomach after kids, looks like a dog chewed it up. It's okay.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:24:54]:

Yeah. Is it okay to be you?

 

Presli [00:25:01]:

Yeah. Sometimes it feels like not

 

Heather Creekmore [00:25:05]:

Yeah. It doesn't feel safe Yeah. To go back to

 

Presli [00:25:10]:

the world. Superposed or something.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:25:13]:

Yeah. Whose voice do you think it is in your head when all those tabs are open and you are, like, being flooded with the, like, I don't know, the fear of the tiger, if you will. Right? Like like, is there anyone's voice in your head that you can recognize there?

 

Presli [00:25:37]:

Honestly, it just it feels like it's me. Mhmm. But I don't know. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's this, subconscious absorbed messages of culture and family and just everything that's kind of ingrained. So it feels like me, but I don't know if I because I probably I haven't formulated my own opinion and internalized, like, what's okay and what's not okay for me. Like, what like, how you always talk about agency because that your episodes on agency were like, agency? I have agency?

 

Heather Creekmore [00:26:20]:

Yeah. Yeah. I was actually just listening to something yesterday, and it was a podcast interview with a woman who, like, did, like, a zillion exercise videos in the nineties. Like, she was, you know, the person leading the exercise video. And Yeah. Like, the whole interview was her basically telling this interviewer, like, how ridiculous it is that pretty much the eighties, nineties, and early two thousands, Like, all we did was convince all fitness influencers and diet influencers did was convince women that they could not make their own decisions, like that they could absolutely not be trusted. And so she kinda, like, she I mean, she was mocking a little bit, but it was, like, so right on, and she wasn't trying to be mean. But just, like, how she would, like, put out a plan, and the plan would be, like, you do, you know, legs on Wednesday and abs on Thursday and how like, she would get, like, hundreds of emails.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:27:23]:

Like, was it okay if I do apps on Wednesday and legs on Thursday? And she's like, of course it is. Like like, what? Like, how could that matter? But, you know, people were so like, no. I can't I I can't deviate. You have to do it exactly perfectly as planned, and then fail. And then you fail and you fail and you fail, and then it's like, well, I'm a failure. Okay. I'm gonna, like, I'm a failure. I suck.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:27:50]:

I just couldn't do it. That's why I don't look like her. And then you like build up the courage again, go on the plan again, try to get it perfect. And again, you can't get a perfect fail. And it's like this repeating cycle And the problem behind it all is just not being able to add any of, like, your own intelligence to it. Right? To have your own opinion to say, oh, you know what? Like, yeah. I can drink cream in my coffee even though that might break my intermittent fast or, like, whatever. She used a couple examples like that, how people were paranoid over, like, you know, 15 calories, that kind of, like, ridiculous things that we were so stressed over.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:28:35]:

And and so I say all that to remind you, right, that you do get to decide I don't wanna say it like this. Doesn't sound too culture culturally, like wrong. Right. But you have to decide to believe the truth. No one can decide that for you. You have to decide. Right? And that's kind of that big faith, little faith thing that I talked about a few weeks ago on the show. Right? Like, I know I know that you know you're going to heaven.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:29:13]:

I know that you have a big faith, you know, that Jesus is your savior and you believe that he died on the cross for your sins, but you have to decide what you believe about yourself, what you believe gives you value and worth.

 

Presli [00:29:29]:

Yeah. Because I feel like if I believe that in those smaller moments or those day to day moments, then that would be a huge mindset shift for social situations.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:29:46]:

Right.

 

Presli [00:29:47]:

Like, I can tell you, like, one of the most triggering experiences recently or not recently, but last time we went to a water park with my sister-in-law, and she had just maybe just had her baby or so. I don't remember. But she was in a bikini, and she looked, like, culturally flawless perfect. And a swimsuit is, like, such a hard point for me. I don't even know why, honestly. But in a swimsuit, I feel, like, so weird. Like, just, like, one little thing I can pinpoint is, you know, how when a girl wears a one piece swimsuit? Like, I don't know how people get these bikini lines that are invisible, but, like, my hair follicles are not invisible. I feel like I could shave off the first six layers of my skin, and you're still gonna see those hair follicles.

 

Presli [00:30:41]:

And I don't know how and I just focus in on those little points. I'm like, wow. She looks like she doesn't have a hair follicle on her body. And then I feel like I feel like you said, like, the fight or flight response. And I just I just refuse to wear a swimsuit. And I listened to your episode on just wear the swimsuit. Like, don't don't let a swimsuit, like, keep you from enjoying your life, and I wanna do that. And I think, like, what you said in that episode about finding a swimsuit that fits you and not trying to fit into, like, I need to look like a flawless athletic model when I wear a swimsuit or I need to wear a bikini.

 

Presli [00:31:25]:

Like, I don't have to wear a swimsuit that shows my bikini line because to me, it feels so exposed. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. So maybe that's one part of why I hate swimsuits. But I don't know. Seeing her look perfect in her swimsuit holding her baby, that's brand new baby, and I'm just like, I didn't just have a baby, and I don't even close to look like that.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:31:47]:

Yeah. So what does she win?

 

Presli [00:31:53]:

Okay. So I imagine in my head I never went to public school, in high school or anything, but I always imagine if I walk in to the beach or the pool by the pool with my swimsuit on, I'm gonna get, like, food thrown at me. Like, getting you know how kids get, like, throw in movie scenes, like, thrown out of the cafeteria, booed out of the cafeteria. Like, it's just, like, the secret fear that maybe I'll get booed out of the pool. Yeah. Or maybe some little kid because, you know, little kids will say whatever. Mhmm. Some little kid will say, you know, why are you so fat and ugly? And then I'll have to deal with that in front of everybody.

 

Presli [00:32:29]:

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:32:32]:

And none of I mean, like so it's pretty implausible that any of that would happen. Right? I mean, okay. Little kid comment that, you know, that can always happen. Right? But could you survive it?

 

Presli [00:32:53]:

Yeah. I think I would be red cheeked and sweating, but I think I will survive.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:33:00]:

Yeah. I mean, I wonder Presley, like, I don't wanna say this in any way that diminishes, like, the very real fear around that. Right? But Jesus was despised and rejected. Like, why do we believe that rejection would kill us? Right? Like he was despised and rejected on our behalf. So that forever and ever in all of eternity, we don't have to be despised or rejected. Right. It's, it's like that person. I think it's in Galatians.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:33:36]:

Like if I were still trying to please man, I wouldn't be pleasing God. Right? Like, to think about a little so let's just, like, let's just kind of zoom out. We're worrying about a situation that hasn't happened yet, first of all. Right? Like, we have anxiety over a possible situation. It doesn't where it's not guaranteed to happen. Right?

 

Presli [00:33:59]:

Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:34:00]:

But to let a possible random little kid come in, stop you from going to a water park or getting in the pool with your kids. Stop you from engaging your Children this summer, like to let the possibility of someone saying something like steal that from you. Like that just doesn't sound holy at all. That kinda sounds like the enemy. Right?

 

Presli [00:34:32]:

Yeah. That makes me mad.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:34:34]:

Yeah. It kinda should.

 

Presli [00:34:37]:

Right? Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:34:39]:

And so okay. So let's let's face the worst fear. Okay? The little kid says to you, you get in the pool, little kid says, ew. You're too fat to wear a bathing suit. And then, like, this is we're just going to nightmare scenario here. Okay, Prez? And then everyone's standing around. All the other people start pointing and they're like, it's

 

Presli [00:35:03]:

so good. Get out of the pool. Get out of the pool.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:35:07]:

Like, this is total nightmare. Okay?

 

Presli [00:35:10]:

It is. It sounds really familiar.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:35:13]:

Like, you had this nightmare. Right? Like, would it it's never gonna happen. Okay? But but Yeah. Would you be okay?

 

Presli [00:35:28]:

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why that reminded me of Shrek.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:35:34]:

It totally is Shrek. Well, hideous ogre, I think I said.

 

Presli [00:35:37]:

Yeah. And he was fine with being an ogre.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:35:41]:

Yeah. And so was Fiona.

 

Presli [00:35:44]:

Yeah. When I was a kid, I couldn't believe when she didn't kiss him to keep the spell on to be beautiful. I thought that was the worst decision ever.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:35:51]:

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Presli [00:35:55]:

Yeah. And what you said about Jesus, and I thought about him being totally exposed on the cross, naked, because that's, like, kind of near the root of the fear of being exposed naked and judged for how your body looks in a swimsuit.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:36:15]:

Right.

 

Presli [00:36:16]:

It still scares me, but, like, thinking about him being totally exposed for us, it it gives it a different depth of meaning. If somebody were to raise their eyebrow or pull their face in disgust, I think I would if I could remember that, I would be and also thinking about what you said about taking it as the enemy, trying to steal moments from my kids and myself by keeping me afraid to actually live, that would also help. Because like you said, I don't think it would be that bad. Even if a kid did say that and everybody turned and pointed, and all the bodybuilders and the fitspo influencers pointed at me and said, gross. Get out of here. I think I would just I I I don't think I would be I think I would be sad that they reacted that way. And I my face probably would turn red, and I would start sweating. But I think I would mostly feel bad for them that they are seeing things in that way and putting that eye of an importance on how somebody looks in a swimsuit.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:37:41]:

Right. Right. I mean, if if that would happen, right, that's just cruel behavior. Right? Okay. Like, kids kids don't know better. Okay. I mean, they're learning. Hopefully, they've got people to teach them.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:37:58]:

Right? But if an adult is acting like that, that's cruel. Right? That that's akin to, any other kind of, like, abuse. Right? I mean, that would be the same as, like, you getting in the pool and everyone, like, you know, taking a shot at you. Like, you know, everyone's slapping you or something like that. Right? Because the the verbal response would be just as damaging as any kind of, like, physical abuse. Right? And so so to cash it out as, like, for that to happen, that would be pretty severe.

 

Presli [00:38:38]:

Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:38:38]:

That would be that would be pretty severe. But I mean, you know what, like, goodness? Like, it's it's protecting here's here's a here's how what I wanna think about here. You feel like you're trying to keep yourself safe. Right? And it's not really, like, physically safe, although I know you do have some special situations around where you live where that's actually a consideration, but it's kind of socially safe. Right?

 

Presli [00:39:16]:

Yeah. Social. That's the one I'm scared of. I'm I'm more scared of socially safe than physically safe Yeah. Sometimes.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:39:23]:

Yeah. Yeah. And so what happens if you're not socially safe? What happens if you're rejected? What happens if you're not accepted? Like, I would encourage you in your homework to really process through that. Like, what's gonna happen to me? If you know? And you can use the pool scenario or a scenario at your mother in law's house or any other scenario. But, like, what is the worst that's gonna happen if I show up and I'm fully engaged here, you know, at the barbecue at my mother in law's? And I'm talking to people, and I'm engaging my sister in law's, and I'm asking them, like, more important questions about their lives than how they got their shoulders to be skinnier. You know? I'm I'm really engaging. Like, what's what's the worst that's gonna happen? Right?

 

Presli [00:40:21]:

Right.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:40:24]:

Pressley, you can't talk to us because you don't know how to make skinny your shoulder skinnier. Like, it's probably not gonna happen. But but, I mean, if it did, it would hurt for sure, but I think you'd be okay. And maybe you'd even just be sad. Like, well, that's kind of a shame. Right? Like that, that we can't have a conversation because I don't wanna talk about getting thinner shoulders. Like, what? Like, that makes me feel sad and disconnected. And, honestly, Presley, like, so many women that go through, like, our forty day journey and coaching.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:41:05]:

Like, this is a pretty common scenario because you go back to maybe even your family. Right? In your case, it's family. Right? But or you go back to that group of friends, and everyone's talking about the diets. Everyone's talking about, like, how to to thin the parts out. And you do feel this, like, sense of, like, I don't like, disconnection, but also, like, maybe even just like a hollowness. Like, oh, this is all we talk about? Like, don't we have more interesting things to talk about? You know? So so that's a normal thing that happens for a lot of women that kinda go on this freedom journey. It's like you you it's really like becoming Christian for the first time where you go back to your non Christian friends, and they're like, why don't you wanna do all this stuff with us? Why don't you wanna talk like us? And you're like, yeah. It doesn't really resonate anymore.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:42:00]:

And they're like, I don't get you. You know?

 

Presli [00:42:04]:

It's just like that. Because, like, a few times when I've tried to talk to people about, being free of dieting or people bring up dieting in front of me, and I'll just say, oh, yeah. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm actually really happy. And, like, I'll try to talk about things, and they're, like, not ready to give up the body, or they're not ready to give up the the ideal of what they could be the dream. They're not willing to give up the dream.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:42:35]:

Right. Right. And you have started the process of giving up the fake dream, the dream that, you know, actually can't deliver for a better, more authentic dream. Right. Which is what does God have planned for me? What are God's desires for my life?

 

Presli [00:43:02]:

Like Right. Something

 

Heather Creekmore [00:43:04]:

Something real. Right? That that changing your body is never gonna give you.

 

Presli [00:43:11]:

How can I forget that? That's so annoying. How could I forget?

 

Heather Creekmore [00:43:15]:

Well, I think you're not alone because these messages are coming at you from every direction all the time. Right? And so let's go back to step one. Right? It's hard to remember that when you're an envy. Right? Yeah. So take care of the envy. Like, remember, God made you on purpose for his purpose. He has something for you to do. It does not help you to try to get in a competition with your sisters in law.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:43:47]:

That's right. Because that's not like, that's a fake competition. There is no, like, competition where it's like someone's gonna choose a winner. Oh, sorry, Presley. You're in third place. Like, there like, there's no podium. There's no, like, medals. There's no flowers.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:44:03]:

There's no crowns. Crowns. Like, none of that exists here on the earth in terms of competition.

 

Presli [00:44:09]:

I wasn't thinking of it. I wasn't thinking of it so much as, like, a direct competition, but it was more like, I wanna be in their league. And it, like, instantly comes to mind Mean Girls. Like, I wanna sit with Regina George.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:44:22]:

Mhmm.

 

Presli [00:44:23]:

And I, you know, I look like that scary kid in the back nobody wants to sit next to. And I wanted to be like, in that moment, I think, oh, no. I'm not allowed at the cool table. But it's all in my head. Like, I've I've made myself not allowed at the cool table because what I'm thinking is going on that's actually not. And even if it were, like we said, how sad if I'm really not allowed.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:44:55]:

Right. Right. And and, I mean, to the mean girls scenario. Right? Like, it wasn't just sad that they weren't allowed. Like, they were just downright cruel. Right? Like, that wasn't laudable, praiseworthy behavior. Right? Like, you could be one of those, but then you're kind of becoming a villain in a way. Right?

 

Presli [00:45:19]:

Yeah. Definitely.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:45:22]:

And then the other thing oh, Presley, I I wanna push it just a little bit here. Okay? And this is so common for those of us with these issues because they go back to our preteen teen years. There's no cool kids table. You're an adult.

 

Presli [00:45:45]:

Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:45:46]:

Okay. And so, like, I'm gonna say this was so much love, but truth and love. Right? Grow up.

 

Presli [00:45:55]:

Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:45:55]:

I need to. Right? There's no cool kid stable. It doesn't exist. Okay?

 

Presli [00:46:03]:

That's true.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:46:05]:

Like like, I think this is where spiritual maturity comes in. Right? Like like, that's not that's not a good life goal to be accepted by the mean girls, to be accepted by the girls who look like they have it together. And I mean, I'm saying girls, but we really mean women. Right? Adult women. Right? Right. Like and I don't know to what scenario like, I mean, everyone has people in their lives that are still living that out. Right? That are still trying to be the cool kids. Right? Like like like, it's not that just we need to get over it.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:46:39]:

Like, chances are the people that you want to emulate are still stuck there too. Right? Yeah. But we gotta let it go. Like, there's no crown in heaven for getting to the cool kids' table.

 

Presli [00:46:56]:

Yeah. Yep. Out loud. That's why coaching and, like, the forty day journey, everything is so good because out loud, exposed, that makes sense. Like, in my head, it's so real and so heavy, and I could just sit alone in my head with that forever and never get past it. But but just saying it out loud, exposing it. Yeah. Growing up sounds good.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:47:27]:

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Presli [00:47:28]:

Yeah. Growing out of that sounds good.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:47:30]:

So here's your homework as we close. Right? Okay. I want you to take care of the envy problem. Okay? And if there's anyone else, you know, like, I sometimes have clients, like, write down the list of all these people that are popping into your head that you were kinda envying. And they might not even be people you know. It might be people, like, flashing by on the Internet for you. So take care of the envy.

 

Presli [00:47:54]:

Right? Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:47:55]:

And and then maybe do some journaling around, like, who Presley was before when Presley was chasing diets, when Presley was chasing the cool kids' table, like, however you wanna, like, phrase that. Right? But, like, who you were before and who God wants you to be, what God asks you to focus on. And just think about those two things and start, you know, just see, like, what else he shows you, in that. Right? It's hard work to grow up. It hurts.

 

Presli [00:48:36]:

It is. Disappointed, actually.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:48:39]:

Right. It's not natural. It hurts. Right?

 

Presli [00:48:43]:

Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:48:45]:

But I think I think you're on the right track.

 

Presli [00:48:50]:

Feels like it.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:48:51]:

I think bringing this to the light, like you said, makes a difference.

 

Presli [00:48:58]:

So Yeah.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:48:59]:

I'm I'm excited to hear what happens next time you get together with with the the in laws. Okay?

 

Presli [00:49:07]:

Yeah. I will keep a mental journal.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:49:11]:

Yeah. Yeah. That sounds good. Okay. Well, you feel like you know what to do? Got your charge.

 

Presli [00:49:20]:

Yep. Remember the truth.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:49:22]:

Remember the truth. Yeah. That's a good that's a good note to end on. Rosalie, thanks so much for your courage and being coached today and for sharing so vulnerably.

 

Presli [00:49:33]:

Thank you for being my coach.

 

Heather Creekmore [00:49:35]:

Thank you for watching or listening today. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye bye. The Compare To Podcast is proud to be part of the Life Audio Podcast Network for more great Christian podcasts. I hope you'll go visit lifeaudio.com. Hey. If this coaching call has encouraged you, you can get coaching too. Reach out improvebodyimage.com or heather at compare to you dot me and find out more about the coaching we offer.