What to Expect When Going through the 40-Day Journey

Now that we’ve run several sessions of the 40-Day Journey, we’ve learned what thoughts, distractions, issues, and complications can commonly arise during your 40-Day Journey experience. 

We hope that you’ll read this list and feel encouraged (or relieved) if you spot an item on here that you’ve faced or felt. 

**Reference this list as you have thoughts or feelings that would discourage you from continuing on this journey. Though there are certainly legitimate reasons to step away from the journey, we’ve found that most often, women step away because of one of the following fallacies.

Body Image Battles Are Not About Your Body. But, you’ll likely hear lies over the next forty days that tell you this would all go away if you just changed ____ about your body. It’s helpful to ask yourself: Has trying to change my body fixed my body image issues before?  

I Don’t Fit In. You’ll decide everyone else in your group is skinnier than you or bigger than you or older than you or younger. You’ll decide you’re in the “wrong” place and the other women can’t understand your “unique” angle to this issue. There are women of all sizes from all walks of life in each of our groups. Please don’t let the enemy deceive you into believing that you’re in the wrong place. Heart issues that are at the core of body image issues can happen in bodies of any size, shape, or color.

Spiritual Warfare. If you didn’t believe in spiritual warfare before, this is the time to start. You have a real enemy who, as John 10:10 puts it, aims to steal, kill, and destroy. That doesn’t say distract, shame, and condemn…but those are all his tactics too. On page 128 of your book there is a chart to help you tell the difference between the Holy Spirit’s conviction and the enemy’s condemnation. Understand who you are listening to when you hear those voices in your head.  

You Aren’t Making Progress/This Isn’t Working for You. Same song, different verse. Again, you are the one whose issues are “too special” and “too difficult” for Jesus’s truth to help or save. Friend, it’s just a lie. It may take much longer than you hoped or thought to find true freedom. Every day that you are able to tell the enemy to shut up…every day you keep walking toward Jesus, is a day you can count as a win!

Small Groups Scare Me. Us too. That’s normal. It’s hard to be vulnerable period, yet alone with strangers. We can totally understand the strong urge to drop off the call at small group time. But, please know, that’s where something truly special happens. It’s in these smaller groups where you can see, meet, and interact with other women who are hearing the same lies and fighting the same battles that you are. Okay, the lies might not be exactly the same. But, you’ll know you aren’t alone when you sit in a smaller community and speak what has perhaps otherwise only been hidden in the dark parts of your heart and mind. Confessing to each other the ways we struggle is both biblical and healing.

The “Sharing Hangover” is Real. You get off the call and instantly fear that you shared too much. Ohhhh, what did you say. Did you say too much? Did you really just tell all of those people all of that? Oh, no. Oh, no. You’ll replay your words. Rewind them. Play them again. Friend, it’s just a sharing hangover. There’s a much higher probability that your willingness to be vulnerable and share changed someone’s life than made anyone think less of you. Trust God before you come on the call to lead, prompt, and guide your sharing. Then trust him AFTER the call to let the words that you said that needed to stick, stick. And if there were any words that needed to not stick, you can trust him to make them fade away as well. If you’re ever truly concerned that you said too much, feel free to reach out to a coach.

I Don’t Think My Group Liked Me. Friend, there’s a good chance this is your default setting for most groups. But, even if it’s not, don’t stress. Most every woman coming into these groups is wrestling with the same issues--hoping to be loved, seen, and validated and fearful (like you) that she’ll be rejected. This is a great opportunity to stop reading too much into the non-verbal communication of others, and ask God to help you be the person in the group who clearly likes everyone-- versus the one who is there hoping to be liked.  

I Have a Special Health Problem that Makes Me Different. See number 2 above. This journey is about spiritual growth, biblical truth, and becoming more like Jesus instead of the culture around us. Health can become an idol in the same way appearance becomes an idol. It’s okay if your health journey requires you to do certain exercises or eat a certain way. Even through the food chapters, you’ll soon see that we’re not really here to advocate for a certain way of eating, but rather to help you spot areas of idolatry and bondage. Getting healthier because “my doctor told me I have to or else . . .” is a noble goal. But, it can also subtly become an area of idolatry and bondage. We can’t get too deep into everyone’s unique issues in this group setting, but our team can help you and advise you if you have unique circumstances to navigate on your freedom journey.

This Isn’t Working Because I Don’t “Feel” Better. Feelings are valuable. But, they can also be fickle. We can learn to turn our feelings into friends that lead us to better answers. Exploring the “why” behind the feelings can show us where there is still work to be done. Generally though, relying on feelings as the barometer of growth isn’t a great idea. Hormones, stress, and other triggers can change our feelings in a flash. In group and individual coaching, we can help you dig into the “why” behind your feelings and learn how to trust what is true even on days when you don’t feel like it. 

I Can’t Stop Comparing Myself to Someone Else in the Group. Oh, isn’t this what we do. Yikes. But, it’s important to not let the enemy rob you of this valuable, personal journey by fixing your eyes on a fellow group member instead of on Jesus--the true source of hope and healing. Everyone will progress at their own pace through this journey. For some, it’s the little push they needed to feel more free. For others, there are deeper, longer standing issues to be explored and progressing into coaching where you can get more individualized support and help will be a good option. But, your story is YOUR story. It won’t be like anyone else’s. They haven’t lived your life, you haven’t lived theirs. This is a great arena to practice humility as we cheer on others’ progress, while still praying for our own.

The Flood of “I Shoulds”. From a neurobiological perspective, many who have wrestled body image and food issues live in a state of “hypervigilance.” You’ve probably heard of it as “fight or flight.” This is a stress response. We are always on alert, trying to stay safe, and trying to keep our bodies a certain way so that we feel that sense of safety that comes from our vigilance (effort). As you begin to relax during this journey, your body may fight back. It may tell you that you aren’t safe unless you are “working,” doing something to lose weight, change your appearance, get healthier…fill in whatever you hear in your head, here. We’d encourage you to consider working with a coach, even if it means adding a few one-on-one sessions, to help you identify and understand why you remain in hypervigilance and discuss strategies to help you find rest and peace. 

Minimizing Your Story. Oh, that tricky enemy is going to tell you that your story is “too bad” or “too shameful.” Or, maybe even that it’s too “boring” and not worth sharing. We never want you to share more than you are comfortable sharing, but we encourage you to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. If you feel led to share something, share it. You never know who will be encouraged or touched by it. Your story is not too much or too little. There’s no life that God’s great grace and redemption cannot touch. If you are a testament to his grace, mercy, and redemptive power--we encourage you to not keep silent! Psalm 98:1 reads, “Sing to the Lord because he has done glorious things!” (Don’t worry, you can just say it, not sing it.)  

Fear of Man/People Pleasing/Fear of Judgment. Oh, friend. You know you’ll never please all the people all the time. But you really want to do this right. You want others on this journey to like you, feel good about you, not judge you. We can’t promise you that everyone will respond to you in an affirming way all of the time. But, we’re going to try our best to make this a safe environment where everyone feels free to come as they are and share openly, without judgment. We’re convicted by Galatians 1:10: For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. We pray that it will encourage you when you are tempted to default to trying to please others.